The 4 Relationship Attachment Styles You Need to Know

What's your attachment style?

I think secure attachment is less common than people think, while fearful avoidant is more common than people think.

"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." - W. Clement Stone

I am fearful avoidant. Whenever i become too close to someone i randomly say (dont mean, only say) bad things about them in my mind, i try to push them away. And i feel really bad when they don't immediately reply to my texts, depending on the subject matter of the text, conclusion: I cling, when they have a hold, i try to run away.. And i am so proud that i am aware of this and trying to do better.

Guess you could say I've grown pretty attached to this channel 😉♥️

I want really compliment and thank this channel and the host and experts... This content is so valuable and critical in todays world. It should be taught in High Schools all around the country.

After years & years of unresolved issues/childhood trauma & yet another failed relationship, I finally put myself into therapy ;specifically trauma & cognitive behavioral therapy), where I am learning about things such as attached issues... I have Fearful-Avoidant Attachment issues. I was adopted when I was 3, so that fear of abandonment was sown very early in life & I avoid getting close to anyone because I don’t like to depend on anyone....I desire closeness, yet it requires vulnerability & trust in another person to have good intentions, but because of these attachment issues, it usually attracts the kinds of people who are not always the best fit.

I ran across this after a breakup a few years ago. Helped me realize my style as well as hers. It's been such a huge help going forward, feels like I was blind before.

Please do more on this topic! Would love to see more in-depth videos discussing the four types :)

I have fearful attachment style it has caused many issues within my life. I have been working on my BPD anger stress and anxiety for years. I have hit a massive wall within my therapy this past month after my adoptive mother passed away Nov. 5th 2022. I thought I would have time to talk with her about how her actions/words directly affected me my entire childhood and my adult life. Between her years of denial and then dementia set in I was unable to receive closure. I dated people just like my mother never seeing the pattern I was in until BPD therapy. Now I have an amazing man whom loves me as I am knowing I work on my faults daily and I have no clue how to receive the positive inputs the love caring and understanding. It's like being in a foreign country not knowing how to communicate. It breaks my heart.

Loneliness leads to attachment which leads to suffering.

When I've done test after testing consistently come out as 33% secure, 33 avoidant and 33 fearful. I put this down to the different 'caregivers ' in my life who were predominant growing up between 1 and 7 yrs. E made me feel great another scared me to death and the other was totally emotionally neglectful. So if im around people I get that gutt feeling as to whether I'm comfy on edge or they're doing my head in. I don't think it's just attachment UNLESS you fall into a cluster pattern eg. Cluster b. It's also how that other person ... how you feel around them. If you feel a red flag walk away. This has been a long hard 60 yr lesson 🙋🙋

It could be possible that in the 60s and 70s more people were having secure attachment styles as opposed to now, and perhaps Ainsworth was not wrong

It depends on the person you are with too, I think. If you don't completely love someone the way they should be loved but you know you need them, etc.

I think mine is fearful avoidant attachment style. But you define it very different from what I read in a book. I want the connection but its difficult to feel it or accept it (because I I don't feel it) from certain people (Im not open because I dont feel it and its like gross get away of some sort). An example can be my friends because they are the same age as me, but if its is a person that could represent a mother figure because of her age I would be able to receive it and feel it and feels good. Sadly I don't have much of that around and I did experienced it in the past, but right now I need it more. I can still feel like that little child or infant when I am on my own. I still live with my parents and I know how incapable they were because they still act and believe that touch and love is not that important. They reflect this when they express themselves, specially my mother. I rejected touch even as a baby from them and relatives. And I didn't know that I needed that until I was 19 years old when I seek help for depression. Besides Childhood Emotional Neglect, I did experienced emotional abuse growing up. I haven't had any romantic relationship and I don't want it. I have never fallen in love and neither find interest in that kind of relationship. I'm 34 years old. I don't believe myself to act clingy. Maybe is more internal? I do tend to push people away specially if they are men. I don't trust men as friendship because when they approach me normally they want more than a friendship and I only want a friendship. And when it comes to them I always run to the hills. Can be said that I have a fearful avoidant attachment style?

I am certainly noticing that the attachment style of each partner can have a dramatic effect on the dynamics of relationships. eg if insecure meets insecure it leads to constant break up and make up. If insecure meets secure the secure person sees the insecure as needy and jealous and may not be able to handle that or it leads to a co-dependent relationship with the secure person holding all the power. I am sure it will be possible to create a matrix showing the outcomes of each combination of the different attachment styles. Secondly, attachment styles can be affected by events, particularly traumatic ones, right into late teens. Eg loss of parent through separation, divorce or death in teen years. Another one is the failure to treat a child with High Functioning Autism correctly (by failing to recognise it in the first place) and trying to force 'normal' behaviours, is a form of abuse, as is spoiling a child. It is a fascinating sub-set of personality traits.

I'm definitely fearful avoidant. I keep going back and forth. I am better than when I was younger though

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I am 58 years old. I realised only now that my dad was n narc. My brother is a narc. My first husband was. My boyfriend was. My fiance was scisofrenic. My second husband is a narc. Now.... I need to explore and need to learn to love myself. So sad that I mised such a large part of my life.

Yup I have borderline personality disorder and everything she said makes sense, especially when it come to my childhood