The 4 Main Attachment Styles in Relationships (+ The Attachment Theory)

I have an attachment workshop to help anyone struggling with attachment issues. For more information & to sign up, visit here: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/attachment-workshop-a26y…

I guess I've always been looking for attachment. Everywhere I go, I just want to feel good enough for people; and to feel loved, accepted and understood. I really can't stand the feeling of loneliness and insecurity.

I’ve struggled with attachment for a very long time. I’m extremely self sufficient, to the point where I’ve refused any kind of dependency on others. I’m in therapy now and starting to work through it. It’s scary, but I’m hopeful, as I’ve already become better at opening up to others and started being a bit more vulnerable around my close friends. I have a lot of work to do, but I think I might actually get better :)

Life is often an abusive relationship because the worst part of being a human is the fact that we have needs which we cannot meet ourselves and must be met through other people. So much love lost, and nothing but hate found. All I want for Christmas, is my experience of life to end.

Attachment Theory is such a powerful tool. It helped me put my most recent break-up into perspective and to get a better understanding of both myself and my ex-girlfriend. I strongly recommend checking it out to anyone who's been through a break-up that just didn't make sense or who finds themselves pushing away people that they love. It cannot replace therapy, but it's still very useful.

This was so helpful! I've heard/ read about attachment styles a lot, but usually, it's just about the parent-child dynamic, and that is hard to relate to because I don't remember what it was like back then. But when you relate attachment styles to these clear descriptions of adults, it's much easier to recognize where I fit in the most. So thank you!

i always heard of the first three categories and could never relate to any of those.. the fourth one honestly opened a world to me and i feel like a lot more things make sense now. thank you <3

Kati, you are one of (if not the) best therapist I’ve found on YouTube. You have really helped me sort out some really difficult things and I just want to express how much I appreciate you and all the work you do on these videos. They are so informative, articulate, and well-done. Thank you for all you do! Looking forward to the boundaries workshop.

Attachment theory has never been proven. It's still just that, a theory. People's attachment styles changes with life experiences, cultural influences and life stages - which is also highlighted in psychology.

I am #3 and #4, abusive, unattached and inaccessible parents. I finally got a wonderful, smart therapist who finally diagnosed me with CPTSD and had great insight to my past. After 5 years of therapy, she had to cut me off and it was SO hard for me, I kept putting it off. I was confused and thought I did something wrong, it was hard for me to trust her at the start. I am struggling without her insight and knowing I can count on her. I know intelligently, I have to count on myself and it’s unhealthy to be so attached, but emotionally I struggle.

Thank you Kati, I found this very intriguing and it made me think about my life. It seemed that I spent half my life in the Disorganized Attachment stage, having learned not to trust from a very young age into adulthood, having nowhere to turn, not even to myself for security, then drinking too much to avoid having to think about it. And the latter half in the Insecure Avoidant stage, where quit I drinking because I knew I had to, to even have a chance for continued existence. Then once my mind was not so clouded, I took a really big leap of faith and got a College degree, a decent job, even bought a house. So I have learned to rely on myself but still very tenuously allow myself to rely on others. The walls aren't as thick as they were and have some cracks but they still stand between me and trust. I have prided myself on my independence. It might be toxic independence but after all this time, it just feels like who I am and maybe not malleable enough to be changed. But where would be my motivation to change anyway? It's like the old saying, I can't miss what I never had. Anyway that's just my view of myself, I'm not saying this is best for anyone else or even the best version of me that I could be. It's just how I see me.

Learning about the different attachments has helped me understand how my relationship with my gf has evolved to where it is today, after 18months/ I’ve felt a disconnection/ distance-

Kati - you might not ever read this but you help me fight my way through the enigma of my life and the way my brain works and I can never thank you enough. Especially your videos on attachment styles and emotional neglect have helped me understand that there is a reason I have trouble trusting. Why I long for connection, for safe attachment to a point where it's the first ressource I will look for in a new environment/ group of people. That all the strong emotions surrounging being abandoned/ having your trust hurt have the "right" to be there. To be seen. This hurts like hell, but I want to get better. I want to be brave and trust one day, and I want to allow myself to not feel guilty and ashamed for being so distant and mistrusting, for craving this deep bond, this emotional security with someone. Kati, I wish I could express how grateful I am for you, for everything you're doing for your community, and for me. I've only what feels like started my journey, but I can see the path now. Thank you, for being here, it matters so much. Take care, the way you take care of us xx

I’m here because I keep running into the same issue in relationships where the moment I feel the other person likes me, I begin to value them less. Something is wrong with me and I want to fix it

I isolate and distance myself when I find myself being possessive. I don't want my possessiveness to put a strain on my relationships, so I distance myself to give others time to breathe. I keep myself occupied by working on myself and other areas of my life like health/ fitness, finances, and so on. I focus on these areas while I give others space. I want to build healthy relationships, but when I find myself become possessive I can't help but Isolate to avoid being labeled as "clingy" or "jealous"

I just realised that I used to have the avoidant attachment , but these last years my sense of self has also been somehow distorted and low so , I might have started having Disorganized attachnment style . I might need to talk about it with my therapist.

This is an excellent video! Informative, concise, and direct about attachment. I really enjoyed it. Thanks Katie, keep up the good work!!

My mum has an inconsistent persona. One minute she loves me and wants to take me out but the next she yells and critsizes me so much. Because of this I've grown up always craving a stable relationship to people and have become attached to other middle aged females. This is usually teachers for me. It's been a pattern for years now. Previously I've just been hurt even more by these people because of my lack of boundaries and awareness of my emotions, but at the moment my attachment is really tying to understand me. Always making sure to check in on my home life, reassure me that I'm doing okay and help me organise my schedule and revision without it becoming overwhelming. My overthinking about it can make it really damaging but honestly it's really helped me start to find out more about how Im feeling and why it's been happening. (I have a school councilor who is also great, so Ive got multiple people making me feel heard and reassured) This video has really helped me think about how I'm really feeling and just tell me that it's all for a reason and not just because I'm simply not good enough.

Thank you so much, Kati. With a few words you have given me clarity concerning a challenging relationship with someone who I deeply care for. I feel like I have been given a lens through which I can finally begin to comprehend what I've been seeing. I have a sense of direction but now I have work to do! 😅

watching your videos helps soothe me. thanks for being kind