Child Psychology : How to Discipline a Child That Does Not Listen

It's a balance between maintaining authority as a parent and NOT teaching your children to be blindly obedient. Ultimately, when our children are young, all they want is to BE us. They don't obey what we say. "Don't watch too much t.v.", "Go play and get some exercise.", "Be nice and don't use bad words like that." As a father, I've found that by me doing the things I want them to do, they'll tend to do them on their own. That means giving up some bad habits you have. Do you gossip in front of your kids? They'll be critical. Do you yell or express emotion regularly in unhealthy ways (not the occasional moment of weakness, but regular loss of control)? They'll do the same. If we want to have healthy families, we have to actually do the things ourselves that make it that way. They also need coaching, but we shouldn't have to micromanage everything, but also not leave them be. The thoughts our children go to sleep with are among the most important. Read to them, show them unconditional love. There may be things you need to talk to them about. Don't put it off. Talk to them like they're the most important person in the world. Don't rush. If you need more time to do bedtime, start it earlier. If something is important enough to you, you'll figure it out. I'm still learning and will continue doing so. We have "authority" because we are the constant in their life. We are their home.

I'm not a bad mom but i feel like i spoiled her too much and now its biting me in the ass.!! i just want to cry !

As a child care professional I have learnt (from1990 onwards) that parents who are too laid back with the child is sending a clear message to them he can just do as he or she pleases KNOWING the parent will not correct them. At times I have come across a parent who will not even listen to their child misbehaving feedback or challenge the older child to take responsiblity for their behaviour. Be a parent. NOT your childs friend if you want my advice.

My sister has a child that’s the same age as my little one. I was so against her giving her little one smacks at a young age (little smacks on hand or bum) while I was letting my little one live and learn freely with no boundaries really. Now all I can say is that our children are 4, her son is an absolute good boy while being out in public. He is so compassionate and empathetic when it comes to meeting people and making friends. He also has really good listening skills and knows when it’s time to pack up etc. Now my little turned out to be an absolute nightmare and I’m beginning to think it’s because I didn’t discipline her and now she walks all over me...

Some great tips here. My child has just been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and is currently unmedicated. Ive changed my parenting to listen more, have been teaching him emotional coping strategies and how to express his anger in a healthy way while also setting firm boundaries and being consistent with consequences, having open discussions about cause and effect and helping him with organising and planning. I find that positive reinforcement and sticker charts just have him do something for the reward...not actually teaching him the importance or value of rules and a structured system. Ive noticed he is such a much happier child and it reduces my stress knowing he is not taking implusive, uncalcuated risks that hurt others or himself and he is excelling with friendships, sports and school work. There is a lot more mutual love and respect and our relationship is a lot healthier now :) Makes me so happy that he feels he can come and talk about his problems and let me help him solve them together.

I've tried every consequence in every book. My son is more stubborn than any student I've ever had in over 13 years of classroom teaching. I'm at my wits end.

I'm just seeing this now. I wish I could give more than one "like". I worked for many years, in child care, and this is the best advice I have ever heard. People used to ask me how I was able to have command of a room full of kids, even when my peers were having trouble. I always knew there was more than just punishment. I know you're thinking that this doctor over-simplifying, but he's not. I grew up with 8 other siblings and watched my mother grow angier and meaner, with every year, trying to "control" us. Nobody wants to be controlled, not even children, but when I would be in other people's homes, (some with the same amount of children), I was always surprised at the calm and respect the kids had for their parents. I see now, it's because the parents set rules and boundaries, and followed through with the consequences, but even more than that, they were allowed to be children without be punished for every little things kids do. I am so impressed by this psychologist.

Calm & confident tone ✔️✔️✔️✔️ plus patience. Once you raise your tone or use violence to control the child is when you have lost complete control

I struggle daily with this problem in a classroom with 10 toddlers, they feed off the ones who exhibit disruptive behaviors and positive redirection only works for maybe 5 minutes before they are back at it! With only 2 adults in the room it is exhausting and makes us feel like failures because we can't keep control of the group constantly. There have been days when I had 6 toddlers alone to deal with and I broke down into tears of frustration and helplessness in moments of what can only be described as mutiny and a hostage situation orchestrated by a group of 2 year olds. Others In my feild of work have had those moments too. They demand constant one on one attention as individuals and it's impossible to provide that in a group setting. They act out because they can't get what they need emotionally consistently throughout the day with so much competition. I love them and love being with them overall, it is just extremely hard and unfair to put that many young children with one adult for up to 10 hours each day. I wish the legal ratio would be lowed from 6:1 to 4:1. 4 is great, 6 is a nightmare.

I really like the saying “connection before correction”. When we tend to say mean words or when we hit someone, that’s coz we are angry/frustrated/ disappointed. Thats not educating, that’s us releasing our strong emotions /venting our emotions towards children. That’s not necessarily teaching children to improve themselves? What do we unintentionally teach a kid when we do that? By yelling at them or smacking them, we unintentionally teach them that they can do the same to other people if they are angry/ sad/ disappointed/ frustrated. I think humans tend to listen better & more patient when they are in a better mood, hence why we need to connect with children 1st, even with adults because we are not perfect of course, telling them what is not right and ask them what & how to do next. The professional usually would advice us to ask them why are they not listening 1st, acknowledge their feelings 1st, and then get to the point and tell them how we (adults) feel when they don’t cooperate. It is better if we also ask them what or how will they do 1st to make the situation better, it makes them think before getting the correct/ right answer from us /adults. At the same time, it also shows them that we care about their feelings and shows that we are willing to listen to them before teaching them a lesson. No one likes to be told of with disrespect attitude right? People would get offended 1st before the the right and true message gets into their mind. Consequences doesn’t have to be physical punishment that hurts, it can be a guidance and long respectful conversation. I studied about emotional quality, which costed me quite a bit, but it helped me with managing my emotions and helped to communicate better with people, my partner and my own child. I think raising children is never easy, never convenient, which is why it is very tiring and it is very time consuming and a lot of our energy(mentally & physically) to raise a respectful and responsible children & adults. Make sure you treat yourself something, a self care plan for yourself where you can do / eat something you like or enjoy. We often put family members 1st, but we need to recharge so we can be better versions of ourselves too. With lack of rest due to surviving life and parenthood in general, that’s why we need to squeeze some time per day... be it just 10mins, try to take care of ourselves, I think if parents are “semi-sane” a.k.a better mood, we will raise happier, respectful and responsible children. Best wishes to us all 🌸

When he used the name Michael as an example and my son's name really is Michael 🤣😂

I hate hitting my child. I hate it so much but sometimes I am telling you, you have to do that. But never ever in anger and never hard and never with shouting. A good slap on their bottom seems to awaken whatever it was that was asleep in their brain. As they get older it becomes absolutely not needed as you can have way more complicated ways of punishment. Like you aint going to the beach, no TV, no phone. Too many ways to punish them.

Children have more authority over their lives than anyone else. Listen to them and guide them. I was happily surprised by the content of this video. The title and description really doesn't do it justice. Love the positive advice in here.

The problem with parents these days. Many are too afraid to use their authority. They want to be the child's friend too much.

I would love to see you dealing with a kid,who does not want take I instruction and not actor.

Nothing no matter how big for a consequence motivates my child. Which has been difficult because I don’t want to be overbearing and discourage my child’s heart. Recently I’ve just had him sit on the back step whenever there’s an issue until he chooses to come in and that’s helped me stay calm.. which is not my forte. This was helpful! A consequence doesn’t have to be punishment always but can be guidance. I never thought of guidance as a consequence.

The hand on the shoulder worked for my son. I was of the spanking school of thought until I looked at what was used by people I consider to be successful in life, or in leadership positions.

If you pay attention to what they watch on TV, then you’ll realize why they act like that, don’t let them watch TV or the phone and you’ll see a change.

Sorry I work with kids and consequences are an affective tool. Some kids struggle more than others but they remember I mean what I say and if there is noncompliance the consequence kicks in. Something they were miss using being taken away, something they value. We address the behavior, walk through different choices the next time and they have to accept the consequence. They remember. Kids will repeat the behavior however because of the consequence they pause and look at us before checking themselves because they do not want that consequence again. It is awesome seeing them correct themselves before they commit to a poor choice. As an adult my boundaries are in place. Kids want boundaries. It brings an element of feeling safe and they know we care about them. Kids hunger for that.

My kid was too strong-wild and defiant. I discussed it with both his therapist and his doctor. They both gave me permission and we discussed exactly how to use corporal punishment. I chose the belt. Two wacks - enough to make him cry. I never again had a problem and never again used the belt. These are very serious issues in the life of a family and in the raising of chldren and sometimes it simply has to go beyond the calm, textbook style of speaking. For some kids such techniques simply do not compute.