Fix a Broken Relationship with your Dad. Your two choices.

My father has been there all my life financially, even after his divorce he supports me and funds my studies. But we don't really have a healthy relationship. He really doesn't teach me anything, even though he is very successful. There's no emotional attachment, he just tells me to work hard and that's it. I had to teach myself how to be a man (am still learning). When I become a father, I will make sure to be transparent with my son and teach him all the things I have learned from my life experiences.

Thank you so much. My dad texted me while at work and I dread having conversations with him. I feel compelled to talk to him, because he is my dad, but I always felt like it was more of a stress then anything. I was going to ignore him, but I stumbled upon this video. I watched it and thought about it and it seemed like good wisdom. So I took your advice about understanding that my dad isn’t going to meet certain expectations in my life, but that I can enjoy the things he is willing to give and to run with that. So I called him and we talked. The conversations went way smoother then it normally would. There was much more back and forth, even joking around with each other. And you know what! I actually enjoyed the conversation. You’ve blessed me and I’m sure my dad is thankful too. Love you and bless you

I appreciate this video. My dad has never been there for me or been supportive of me in really any capacity. Now I'm 28 and really struggle because even though I dont talk to him, I'm still hurt. It's so hard not to be angry! I pray and work toward forgiveness, but even seeing his number on my phone makes me mad. I feel that he wasnt there for me as a kid, or even as an adult when I've reached out to him, now he doesnt get to be part of my life. I've tried to mend things but even a simple conversation makes me sick and I cant do it. I know I have a lot more healing to do. I admire those of you who can accept your parents where they are and have some sort of relationship, but I dont feel I can ever allow myself to be in the position with him to hurt me again. Prayers from anyone who sees my comment would be appreciated!

25 years old & graduating post grad medical school this year; of all the things I have going on, the thing that most upsets me is not feeling wanted by my Dad. Growing up was a mixed bag with him, he ‘was there’ but only superficially when he wanted. Financially supported me through childhood but cut that off the minute I left for undergrad degree (I appreciate that for a lot of people their parents may not be able to do that, but for my dad he definitely could have done and it was a choice - additionally coming from the UK; University loans depend on your parents income… so I received the bare minimum loan, which is no where close to cover living costs, despite the fact he didn’t contribute anything to help me). Cheated on my mum, gaslighting her throughout and till this day, and after my brother left for Uni they’re now rightly getting divorced. He moved 300 miles away as he can work remotely, and I’ve seen him twice in the last 7 years for probably 20 minutes total. More personal stuff behind all that which made the whole relationship difficult, awkward, uncomfortable. I feel like I don’t even know how to speak to my Dad, when I was young he never spoke to me about interests, activities, or really anything. One of the big consequences I see in myself now is I get so nervous making new friendships with other guys as I don’t feel like I know what ‘guys’ talk about. For my whole life, traditional holidays were pretty big deals, it was just the 4 of us but it felt important to be always be there. I will never forget 4 years ago as he just didn’t come at all. Despite everything, I had gone out and bought him a nice jacket and a card and then Christmas Eve my mum sent me a message to say he wasn’t coming. No message to me or my brother, no Christmas present, no Christmas card. I felt angry, upset, lonely as to how you could just seemingly abandon the only family you have. If he couldn’t even send a card after deciding not to come for Christmas then there’s nothing else that would be big enough to warrant his attention. I actually kept his jacket wrapped up, and saved it for next Christmas so that I could give it to him then (it was a really nice jacket). No birthday card in-between, and Christmas was a repeat of the last. In the comments and video a lot of people talk about expectations. I had a mix of expectation and hope; that NEXT Christmas he’d come or send something to then be left disappointed. After the 2nd christmas, I opened my present and wore the jacket for myself. I felt good, I thought there’s no point this cool jacket sitting in my wardrobe in the back of my room/in the back of my mind when I could be wearing it. Looking back the jacket symbolised my expectation/hope and only by letting it go and releasing it could I enjoy it and I’m glad I did (it is a cool jacket). Anyway, my graduation from med school is coming up and he seemingly is expecting to come… I feel conflicted as he hasn’t done anything, financially or emotionally to support me throughout that time. At the end of the day, he’s my Dad. I’ve always wanted his love and for him to be proud of me, I still do. I’m old enough to realise that he was probably going through lots of things throughout my life and we all can make mistakes and feel we can’t reverse them. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being there and feeling like he has been a part of my success. Equally I just want to hear him say he’s proud of me and that he knew I could always do it. I’ve moved my boundaries of expectations hugely over the years but I still hope for that. Whether I receive that is anyone’s guess maybe you’ll get an update in a few weeks time but I won’t deny him or myself the chance to share something. The things I’ve learned from it all is that 1. no matter your background situation, giving/receiving love is important 2. Love can be in many forms. Emotional, financial, caring - it’s what makes you feel valued, like you mean something to someone. 3. Love yourself and be proud of yourself. The things you’ve achieved, are the things YOU have achieved. Whether that’s short term (paying rent, cooking good meals, providing for your family) or long term (jobs, degrees, house) people have helped you along the way but YOU make those things happen. 4. In my case - TELL YOUR MUM YOU LOVE HER - she did her best to support me despite my dad. She continues to support me every step of the way, and I’ve been guilty of not giving her enough love myself. It’s impossible to make up for a ‘missing’ parent but so many parents out there do a fantastic job at trying. 5. Break the cycle, I’m never going to leave my future kids and family without love and I’m going to be proud of it. 6. FINALLY, keep hope. Contain expectation but protect your hope. Hope drives me to be a better person and that’s who I want to be. This comment may never reach anyone but if it does reach just one person going through something similar then I hope that you can resonate with something positive from my experience. You’re not alone.

Im a 60 year old man, yes my dad still lives, He is still very critical and negitive of me. I have a great career, not some loser. Treats my sister like an angel. I Don't speak to him anymore !

My dad has not wanted me or my sister in his life since he remarried 40 years ago. He has cut us off. There was no argument or conflict that led to him deciding to cut us and his grandchildren out of his life. Sometimes, you are not given a choice no matter how many times you reach out. We do, however, have loving family members, and that is our blessing. I think it is lovely to see dads who truly care for their children and being amazing fathers. I have resigned myself to not being included in my dad's life, and count my numerous other blessings God has given me. You cannot force someone to love you. Forgiveness sets you free.

But I want my father to improve. I already know that I won’t be like him. How can I improve the relationship with my father?

I had an almost inexistent relationship with my dad, even though we were living under the same roof! However, I would never take other healthy or closes relationships from other dad with their daughters as something against me! I'm celebrating all the dads and moms who really care and want to have a relationship with their kids, I literally feel joy seeing other happy, and even if I wish that would've been my case, I celebrate and I'm glad that a lot of people won't go through things that I went through, and that's just amazing! 😊

How 🥺 this hurt me crying it feels like I can actually talk to you if you were my dad 🥺

Beautiful message beautiful challenge ... very encouraging God bless you

I’m 19 years old meeting my dad for the first time ever in 2 weeks and I’m glad I searched for advice on YouTube because this is exactly what I needed to hear

It isnnt from malice but people who have a bad relationship with their father , seeing your videos will be painful. IT doesnt mean they wish you bad .

My dad told me 2 days ago: I know we haven’t talked for the last 20 years (I’m 34) but we can sort of start having a relationship. I let him in and at least he’s trying to get along with me. He’s known for being a pain in the ass, neurotic, and alcoholic… it’s difficult. Wish me luck. Great advice btw. Thanks.

Thanks a lot. You delivered a simple solution. I’ve forgiven my father, set boundaries, stood up for myself when I needed, but none of that did the trick. I realize now I needed to cease the expectations I had of him. Thanks. I’m looking forward to that one call a year I get on my birthday.

You are awesome! I love to appreciate my dad for what he can provide because he is a great man. He did what he could with what he had. Everyone is trying to find happiness for themselves. If they think running away will give them that happiness then that’s what they gonna do, not their fault.

Thank you! I am 51 and only over the past few years have I began to understand how the way I was parented shaped me. I am trying to grow and get healthier and your video helped.

Its so true . I had so many high expectations about my father. Can't force him to be in my life. I will love him for ever.

Aww I think you are a great dad I saw your video with your daughter. Thanks for sharing

Good advice and something good to hold on to when thinking about and learning about how my siblings and I dont have a good relationship with our dad. My sis and I did find good, Godly men, which helped open our eyes and see the lack of respect towards our mom and each other. We can also always pray for change, while being not bitter about a not great relationship.

My dad sucks, I’m 25 and still live with him and we go weeks and sometimes months at a time without talking. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me, but some days I think about it more than normal and it depresses me. I wish we could just talk and get along, he was an heavy equipment operator and since I was a boy I was set on what I want to do, fast forward that I was I am currently doing and would love to talk about it, but everytime I try to speak up to spark conversation it’s just cut and dry “yup” “yup”. It kills me, my parents are divorced and I think his leftover anger to my mother is the main fuel. I am very thankful that you take the time to make these videos, we are men but deep down we have feelings, I feel hurt by the inability to conversate or bond/hangout. Your children are very lucky you are the way you are. I’d give anything to have a dad half as good as the example you set. Thank you very much sir, take care or yourself.