Healing My Relationship With My Dad (Emotional Story)

Thank you for sharing your story. I have a horrible relationship with my parents, especially my dad. Sounds like your dad had a very similar upbringing to my dad’s upbringing. I would love to chat with you sometime as I don’t have any friends I can talk to about the internal struggles I have. These struggles revolve around abuse, neglect, and getting my dad’s trauma cast into me during my upbringing. I’m really struggling as a 28 year old with all of this hurt and confusion. I cut contact with my parents off two years ago and things did get better. However I’m feeling empty and longing for a relationship with them even though I know they won’t change and they’re mired in their own dysfunction. I hope you see this because I’d love to speak with you more about this. Have a great day!

Hi Ollie. I can relate to the strained relationship with your dad. I've also come to a point of forgiving him for how he is. I'm not sure about your dad, but my dad's a covert narcissist. He's never been abusive, but just doesn't genuinely care. He pretends to, but only ever thinks about himself. So last year I had to be honest with myself and admit that he doesn't love me. It was actually a beneficial thing, because I stopped expecting him to. I understand that some people are just born narcissists and can't help the way that they are.

Hello, I am a a dad that is desperate to rebuild a relationship with my 20 year old son. I think he will feel just as you have when watching this video. Thanks for sharing, I know it’s hard and at the same time it is healthy.

Don't judge someone until you are in their shoes and you are never in someone else's shoes

My mother got into psyche hospital when my twin brother and me were 9. Unfortunately she met her new „owner“ there who has narcissistic traits and out of fear of her going back to my dad, he influenced her and isolated her from us more and more. We have no had contact because he controls it. My father did not handle the breakup well and he became addicted to alcohol. It‘s though for a child when you „lose“ one parent, but it is fatal if the remaining parent is not functioning and not meeting the childs needs. The addiction made him become enotionally and physically abusive towards us because he became extremely irritable and aggressive. There was no save environment and I felt like I couldn’t be myself, I had to conceal my emotions to keep me save because it would trigger him into rage if I would „talk in the wrong tone“. It affects me still and it is still difficult to share my emotions at times, I have trust issues and low self esteem but my brother is way more mentally ill. In order to cope he had to dissociate from his emotions and he became a rather rational person over time. The lacking social skills led to repeated mistreatment from even the police. The abusive „owner“ of my mother was in contact with him and put more strain on him. Eventually he had a nervous breakdown and is now behaving in a schitzotypal way. He broke off contact to all my family members (he was no contact with my dad already), (probably leading up to the breakdown) I visited him (he is isolated, only leaves his flat if he absolutely has to) and I found him extremely distressed and paranoid, he thinks he is being watched and is hearing voices etc. I had to leave again, he lives a few hours away. Can‘t call him he removed the antenba out of his phone duo to paranoid believes. He is also very economically concious and a vegan, he has not ate in 5 days when I visited him and was malnourished. So I send him a package with healthy vegan foods, some items and a letter. I send two emails since but he is not responding. So yeah, I just wanted to paint the picture, how fatal circumstances can impact a childrens/teens/adults psyche. Especially repeated abuse and mistreatment. The relationship between my father and me has improved a lot. The „owner“ of my mother reached out yesterday via email to my dad, my mother wants to know what her „lost“ children are doing. I offered to call her, we‘ll see if he allows it. It is very difficult for me to navigate. If anyone has any input to what could help I‘d appreciate your perspectives.

Problem with me showing him that I forgive him and that I don't focus on his bad sides is that he fucking slowly goes worse again. This person has no concept of boundaries. And I do understand what you're saying, and I do think the same way "if I've been through the same..." but I'm not and I've got shit to do and live to life and he's not helping with his behaviour and honestly a big part of me doesn't buy it that I've been through way better tbh, maybe this is a big problem as well

Damn bro This is the real work… We can do meditations Mantras and go to caves in far off places But for me personally The most honourable work Is this

Mhm, i lost my mom at 8, my brother and father are almost strangers to me. Been depressed my hole life, ugggh super hard...lately its been better, anyways. Thank you for your videos :)

Your so brave and lovely person. Thankyou for sharing your story. Ive had the same problems with my parents. I now realise that i always had friendships with older people to get the love that i didnt recieve.

Your experience, and choosing to share it, is valuable. When I first met my father, I was an adult. He was carrying a load of guilt for having abandoned his wife and five daughters many years before -- I was the youngest. At that meeting, I had the presence of mind to tell him, "I came here to meet you, not to judge you." I believe that went a long way with him. You're doing your part to accept your father as he is now. Relationships are always complex. What we have with our parents is usually the most revealing in helping us unpack the deepest mysteries within ourselves.

Whew this is beautiful. I'll be going back to my childhood home to live with my father. I just feel blessed for myself and everyone else who gets this very chance to heal. We are so blessed you guys.

Hi, this is the second of your videos to pop up for me at a helpful time, thank you. I'm a woman living in Ireland. My mom also passed away, when I was 5. My dad is an alcoholic. Back in January 2020, (pre pandemic here) he drank to the point of hospitalisation and really irreparably damaged his health. He would still be drinking today if not for his mobility issues keeping him mostly to his house. April 2022, he lied repeatedly and very transparently about having gone to a pub in secret. My sisters and I were really hurt. We've been so scared for him and sacrificing to keep him afloat financially. It felt irresponsible and inconsiderate of him. I haven't seen him since. We spoke once in December, the day after my mom's anniversary, when I told him I wouldn't be home for Christmas. I wasn't able or brave enough to tell him why: I don't want to be around him. I had a meditative experience once where I felt the kind of compassion you've described for your dad. I know my dad has been through more suffering than I know, he is addicted, and in pain. But I still feel a lot of resentment at the same time. I feel a lot of inner conflict between my empathy telling me he's doing the best he can, and my self-protective side wanting to keep away me from him. I don't really understand how I can feel both. Actually writing this has helped me realise that my brain equates caring about someone to running to their rescue. Which isn't truly helpful for either of us. Thank you for your help. I hope that in the time that's passed between when you posted this video and this comment that your relationship with your dad - and yourself - has flourished. Thank you for showing me I'm not alone.

it seems to me that everything in my life is sorted and stable, apart from my dad. Every day it's the cause of my stress. At times the situations makes me feel lower than anything else ever has. I don't know how to handle it, we never talk about anything remotely emotional. Talking about our relationship seems unthinkable.

I'm glad that you're here to help people and all, I mean, that's what we're all here for and to do and you do seem pretty nice and all but what you sent me the other day made me feel really weirded out because I don't know you and I also don't feel very comfortable going to other people who I don't know for help. But hey, I hope you don't stop making videos for YouTube anytime soon.

Arrived here after watching your 'release trapped emotions' video, just wanted to say thank you...subscribed 👍

Thanks for speaking so openly, mate! You helped me to understand and appreciate my fathers life on another level. Especially that dialogue you’ve had - I feel like crossing this line finally with mine. ❤

Very well said, great video

Hey Oliver, just wanted to say thank you for this video. I’ve struggled for a long time with my relationship with my dad myself, and the pain and tension between us has been a huge strain on my life as a whole, and I know for him as well, especially being his only child. I’ve done a lot of inner work to try to heal my wounds with him and yet feel how much more there is to do. The last few days have been particularly challenging for me emotionally and I’ve been feeling powerless about how to move forward. In any case, I came across your video right away after searching for father son healing and very much related to what you said, and was quite inspired by your perspective about seeing your dad more for who he is than who he wasn’t. Something I very much needed to hear. I’d also like to say that despite all the YouTube videos I’ve watched over the years I’ve never once been called to actually right a comment on a video, until now:). For what it’s worth, thank you. Thank you for your courage and your vulnerability in sharing this with everyone. 🙏👊

My heart goes out to you! Listening to this and hearing what you’ve been through. I’m sorry to hear about your mum.

You've got an amazingly friendly and likable vibe for a person who's had a toxic parent/s. I find it super hard finding anyone who seems reasonable, who seems to be doing something with their life, who I can talk to about these things. It's either some people with messed up parents who take 0 responsibility and do nothing with their lives, laziness, etc. and I have -1 interest in talking with them or some go-getters who just can't relate a single bit or just seem to be over it somehow