How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Styles

What love style do you relate most to here? (part 3)

"the pleaser..." i started crying

I love how children are drawn with a little plant on their head... it says a lot

i bursrt into tears when you described the pleaser because it was like you were recounting my entire experience growing up. I'm 26 and ive only in recent years begun to become the kind of person that stands up for myself when i feel hurt or offended and actually tries to explain my emotions instead of bottling them up or apologizing so the disagreement or whatever it may be will just be over. But I feel blessed to have come to the realization of how my childhood affected me because now I know who i am and I can be in control of the woman I'm becoming. I would say I'm a pleaser with some aspects of the avoidant personality in that my parents did not express much affection towards me and I can sometimes get uncomfortable when people around me are having extreme emotions as I'm know for being quite stoic. But at the same time most of my friends are very expressive because I like those kinds of people and I admire those who have the ability to express their true emotions freely and without regard. I like surrounding myself with people who have qualities I admire so thats a huge part of me welcoming that kind of energy even though its so different to mine

This video made me cry because I realized as I was watching that I fall into parts of each category on this list. I've lived most of my life under the illusion that I was just fucking everything up. But that would be my trauma doing that, and also telling me it's my fault. I'm healing more and more as time passes, and with videos like this, I can dive deeper and deeper. Thank you💜

I hate how parents think children are emotionless

My goal is to raise my children in such a way, that they don't have to recover from their childhood.

I’m definitely the vacillator. I grew up as a middle child and my parents were unpredictable. Both of them were either laid back or in a very bad mood and became unreasonable and angry. I do unfortunately have unfair expectations of other people and find myself very disappointed in my friendships and relationships. I have been trying really hard to care less about these situations and tell myself that it’s not personal, but it’s such a struggle.

Timestamps (someone had to do it) Pleaser - 0:46 Victim - 1:59 Controller - 3:00 Vacillator - 3:57 Avoider - 5:00

When you realize, at the end of the video, that you are equipped with a piece from every love style mentioned...😳

"It's not you, it's my messed up childhood"

I definitely became a people pleaser and it was a long journey to find out, accept it and slowly stand up for myself. For anyone reading this: it's worth it emerging boundaries, putting yourself first and most importantly you must remember: you are not responsible for other people's emotions but your own 🧡

Yup. I relate to all of these. I am in a committed relationship and we have been to therapy. By far the most important thing we got out of it was that we have agreed to both try and state our feelings to each other when something isn't going well, instead of just reacting. I did not feel safe doing this until we had talked about it a lot because I did not feel like it was OK to share my feelings. Similarly my partner was also uncomfortable until we talked about it because he is used to keeping things bottled up. We still each have our issues but now we can talk about it and try to understand what's going on, as well as support each other in our challenges.

I don’t even feel safe crying in front of my mum.

“Which love style do you identify with” Me: yes

I mostly identify with the pleaser love style, although my parents weren't overly critical. I believe it is because, as a child I had a "friend" who was really critical and ended up bullying me. She was the reason I started trying to avoid every possible conflict and probably the reason I developed such an introverted personality.

I am definitely a pleaser, but not because of my parents. My childhood best friends had negative reactions to things that I had said/done, which led me into avoiding conflicts and not being open and honest with the people I’m friends with now. I can definitely relate to the point about being able to read others moods to keep everyone happy, as well as the point where we give in and apologise quickly. Honestly, it’s gotten to the point where my friends have said that I need to stop apologising. Going forward, I’m definitely going to try and express my emotions more and take my emotions into account, instead of bottling them up and thinking that they aren’t as important as my friend’s’ happiness

Who else had strict parents and is now "The Pleaser" in relationships ? 🙋‍♀️ Just realized all the likes ! I wanna hear these strict parent stories now lol

that awkward moment when you're a little bit of all of them.....

As the eldest among my siblings, I'm glad that I was able to watch this video, I've realized that I was a pleaser in my childhood. I can't avoid, but to read the emotions of the people around me, I feel discomfort when I realize they are not happy being with me. This explains why I like to serve the people I love. This video would not only help me, but also help my younger siblings. I would guide them not to experience this types of love style in their childhood.