What are Daddy Issues? What causes them & how to fix them

"Daddy Issues" is a cruel moniker for the pain of a lack of a father figure, or having an abusive father.

I'm currently on the process of 'mothering myself' and the thought of having to do this with my paternal relationship as well makes me feel exhausted. It's so unfair having to do the work that people responsible for me never did. Anyone else?

Me, trying to identify if I have daddy issues, not having close relationships with any male at any point of my life 👺

For the re-father ourselves part, I know a YouTube channel that might help. It's called Dad, How do I? This man teaches you a bunch of stuff that Dads usually teach their kids. Its very wholesome. I think he started it because his Dad left when he was a kid or something like that. It has helped me a lot.

I found myself becoming my GF's "daddy" in place of her absent and gaslighting father. It's a task that takes a lot of responsibility, but she has grown so much more stronger with my consistent support and sturdy base. Support system is very important to heal from these past scares. Consistency is paramount. And remind them that they are doing the work, you're just providing the workbook.

My father was totally inconsistent and even abusive sometimes. I cut ties with him and I've been doing a lot better ever since. I think I also re-fathered myself doing and learning what I wanted to do or learn. Still a part of me is mad at him because I think that that child who bears the scars of his behaviour is now still struggling to heal didn't deserve that. I can move one but not forgive. Also, when a much older man figure is nice with me I tend to trust them more easily because I'm still looking for the figure I never had.

You got me when term " re-father yourself" came. And when you said, - "go do those things which you counted on your father for!" It was a ahha moment for me.

"I like your sleeves- they're real big" - Napoleon Dynamite

Almost every male relationship I’ve had has been abusive or neglectful, starting with my dad. I know I have complicated relationships with men and I tend to favor and find more comfort in women. It’s definitely something I want to work through in therapy.

How do you always read my mind exactly when I'm wanting something? Once again, perfect timing on a perfect topic

Meeting other people with similar childhood's than mine. Group theraphy was one of the most intimidating experiences of my life but also the most rewarding

My dad was absent and my relationship with my boyfriend highlight that I have a lot of daddy issues. I subconsciously want him to do things my dad didn’t do for me and it sucks because I end up crying all the time

I didn’t realize how many “daddy issues” I have until my dad passed away last year. Almost harder than his death has been trying to mend my relationship with him by myself because he’s not here. To work through the grief and the guilt at the same time. And to recognize that I didn’t always have the most positive thoughts about him. It’s easy to want to idolize someone when they pass so his passing has really amplified my attachment injuries.

I think it’s interesting, too, to talk about how “mommy issues” is not nearly as prevalent a phrase, and “daddy issues” is almost always thrown around for women more than men. It’s very rooted in sexism.

I've major daddy issues. My dad was 37 when I was born. He wasn't really around that much, and was out with his friends all the time. Either gambling or just living as if he was a bachelor man. My mother was home with us 24/7. We use to always ask when he was coming home. He use to promise and say he'd be home at this time. And id stay by the window hoping to see him pull up in the driveway. But he never came home 🥺 it didn't help that a lot of times he could be verbally abuse and yell at me. But I always made excuses and wanted to love him. It's the reason why I have BPD. He's in his 60s now and tries to make up for lost time, but I can't help but feel resentment towards him. I can't forgive him no matter how hard I try because my inner child still is hurt.

If you ever want to see how valuable a good father is in a child's life, just look at the lifestyles of kids who grew up without a father or with a deadbeat father. They are more likely to drop out of high school, end up in the criminal justice system, and overall have less self-control and discipline controlling their emotions or in their lives in general. Every child deserves a good mother and father in the home, as it is the backbone for a healthy society.

Thank you for the acknowledgement that not every family is traditional. It goes a long way when so many sources seem to want to pretend that non-traditional families and identities don't exist.

This is so helpful?? My dad was always around, and never abusive, so it took me ages to accept that I could have any trauma related to him. What I've come to realise is that he has a lot of mental health issues, which have kind of made him incapable of being a father. He was here and trying his best, and it was never his fault, so I never thought there could be an issue. Turns out as a kid, I was seeking his validation; I thought if I was good enough he would become better. When the video talked about how it affects out everyday relationship with men, I was in awe. I'm constantly seeking affirmation from any man I see as an authority figure. There's barely any men I dislike; I blamed myself for my dad's issues, and I now blame myself for every man's issue. 'He's not a bad person, he's just struggling'. Truly enlightening, tysm

This is so true, my father was a narcissistic and never was there for me.

I have 2 little girls, ages 4 and 2. I take my role as their father extremely seriously. The most important function in my life