Carson Can’t Keep Up with Rodney Dangerfield’s Non-Stop One-Liners (1974)
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Published 2018-03-05
02:01 “When I was a kid, my old man didn't help me either. I asked my old man if I can go ice skating on the lake, he told me to wait 'till it gets warmer.”
07:27 “My wife's a cold person. Her side of the waterbed is frozen.”
09:07 “Doctors say when a man makes love to a woman, he burns up energy, he loses 150 calories. I made love to a girl once and lost even more. I lost 150 calories, my watch and my wallet.”
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All Comments (21)
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"My wife's such a bad cook, i mean, how can toast have bones?" Lol. He's the best!
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My favorite Dangerfield joke: "Doc, every morning, I get up, look in the mirror and throw up. What's wrong with me?" "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
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Rodney’s sit down delivery is just as good as his stand up.
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Greatest one liner comedian that ever lived.
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Fav Rodney joke ever, “I tell ya, my sister-n-law is fat. Even her picture falls off the wall”
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My favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke: "My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend."
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Just the best comedian, if you are depressed you listen to Rodney and you cant get the smile off your face .
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"When I was born the doctor smacked me -- I found out the nurse got a couple in too" -- don't know how many times I've seen this, but it still cracks me up. In high school I'd stay up to watch Johnny after my parents went to bed -- such a treat when Rodney was on. Thanks for the good times, Mr. Dangerfield!
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The guy was nearly 50 when he finally made it. Never lose hope. You never know where life will bring you.
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I love how he does a three minute set, goes to the desk, and does a another nine minutes. He's so funny that it's easy to not even realize that in an hour show he does hundreds of jokes. Amazing.
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Dangerfield joke: When I was in high school, I didn't have a girl friend, so I went to drive in movies alone and did push ups in the back seat to keep up appearances.
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Rodney is a gem, the world will never see another quite like him.
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These jokes still land in 2020. Dangerfield was a genius.
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He’s like a human wind up toy full of jokes. And it’s literally never gets old.
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When Rodney Dangerfield tells oneliners he destroyes everybody in the house . I also watch his movies over and over , so much talent .
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he has the perfect voice for one-liners, most people cant deliver them but his voice just makes them absolutely perfect
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“Growin’ up, my family was so poor, if I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothin’ to play with.”
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I always liked how Carson just let his guest do their own thing 😂😂.
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"I told my doctor I had suicidal tendencies, he said I have to start paying in advance." Dangerfield is like a downpour of jokes, one after the other and the next one is funnier than the one before. This guy knew comedy.
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Still hilarious and that dentist joke had me breaking my fillings. Love him!
