Shadow Work and Childhood Trauma

It’s incredible how much having crappy parents can effect your whole life.

I actually caught myself being passive aggressive with a close friend the other night. I could feel the meanness of what I had said, and it was as if I caught my shadow in the act. I suddenly started crying and apologized to my friend for being passive aggressive and bitchy. He was awkwardly just accepting the abuse because of the trauma in his background. He also started crying and thanked me for pointing it out because now he is more clear on where he has the tendency to accept toxicity and where he can begin to speak his truth and set boundaries. It felt life changing for me, and I know it was healing for us both.

When you grow up underneath an umbrella of fear, you do whatever it takes to survive. When you finally get away from your abusers, you don't always know what you are doing. Like, you don't know how to run your life because you are free of your abusers, physically you are, but they still live in your head.

We were burdens. Man, that was exactly how I grew up. And I lived that people pleaser, perfectionist life for years. Thank goodness for healing therapy/therapists.

I am 63 and finally found someone who understands - this guy . He has my sense of humor too. ♥️

you make my inner child feel safe

Thanks for remembering us neurodivergent folks. This is hard for us because we don’t know how much is the disability and how much is the trauma. Although my psychiatrist told me once that just because we are more prone to being affected by abuse, no one should be abusing us in the first place. It’s still them, not us.

Currently 27 .... raising a 8 year old and yesterday I lashed out the way my parents use to do and immediately had to run off and catch myself.........I always try not to be like my parents but yesterday just showed I'm not over and i need to unlearn those nasty habits 🤦🏿‍♀️ im getting bacj into therapy so I can be a better person and mother ....this is soo hard!!! Everyday I fight with myself over all the mentally and emotionally abuse I had to endure

I always felt shame and humiliation when a person I dated was telling me I was “ranting”, when I was simply attempting to express myself and to be heard. Somehow I felt even more hurt and wounded having to hear the person who was claiming to care and love me instead belittle me and dismiss me entirely without even taking anything I said into consideration. Even when I had gone above and beyond for that person to meet their needs in their time of need, yet when it came time for them to help me and reciprocate they began giving me the reasons as to why they couldn’t help me, and when I said something they began behaving badly, angrily and began telling me off. All because I dared ask for basic of human kindness and reciprocal care.

I realize I can be serious and intense and have had people call me out on that. I have just lived in survival mode my entire life and there is little room to be silly and carefree as others.

As a mother I know there is so much I have to unlearn from my own childhood so I don't traumatize my kids. Motherhood has brought up trauma I never knew I had. When my toddlers whine I get so triggered and I want to tell them "children should be seen and not heard!" But instead I try to say "if you could talk to me about what's wrong, I could help you. Could you try to take a breath and try telling me how I can help." When my toddlers throw things or hit me playfully, I want to get out a belt like one was brought out for me. Instead, I go outside, take a breath, come back and tell them I don't like being hit because it hurts and we should respect each other's bodies and boundaries. When my toddlers don't want to listen to instructions I have to deprogram that they are just disrespectful instead of just being distracted to listen. There's so much I can talk about. These were all really helpful but please could you do a video on working through childhood trauma when youre triggered by your own children.

There's a bright side? Do tell. 😂

I've been to few therapists for 2 years (I'm now 18) and not even one of them talk this way. I felt like the things they were saying were shallow and stuff that I already knew. Few days ago I saw your video about toxic family and I cried so much I couldn't stop. It was all too true for me to accept that. The way you speak is so nice. I am so glad I found this channel.

One thing I've realized... once you've been pigeonholed by the very people who are your motivation to learn a better way, it's too late. Once you've been labeled, it's a done deal. You could go for years demonstrating the changes you've made through understanding why I am the clay I am, they are merely spending those same years just waiting for you to revert back to who they've already deemed you to be. It's why I isolate myself. The work I've done to correct my issues is never enough.

One of the life lessons I have learned is that shame begets shame. If you feel shame for past trauma, you are liable to do things in future that are also a subject of shame.

“Please don’t let anyone find out what my home life is like” that was one of the biggest fears for me, especially because my parents knew a lot of the faculty and staff at my schools so if anyone did find out then my parents would know I had “betrayed” them

Yes any ask or need was a BURDEN. Neither parent could focus even a small portion of their attention on something I needed. Big Sighs and frustration literally throwing hands in the air over why I couldn’t just deal with it myself. Siblings and parents competed for resources and attention so that was another barrier to receiving any attention-it was a double edged sword. I decided early nothing was available there so I just looked outside the family system for support. Family mad about that too. Why don’t you stay home? Pretty tricky to navigate.

Shadowwork was the most difficult and most healing part of my journey. People around me say I radiate confidence now. Yeah, when I broke down and solved what made me so insecure.

This is insanely accurate. Our families set the tone for us. My family has NEVER failed to financially provide for me. They’ve worked their tail off for me and my sister. I love them beyond measure. That being said, I wish they had allocated some of their free time towards … quality family time. I miss everyone in the same room, watching home alone. What I don’t miss is.. the alcoholism and constant physical and mental abuse. It’s so tough to put into words.

I’m 77, and have been on this journey for at least five years with you, and others that I respect for this genuine growth experience. Thank you for continually challenging me to heal, grow, and change to become the best I can be! Keep going with your important work!❤