Death cafes and planning your own death | Death Land #4

I love this woman’s personality, she’s lovely.

I was freed of my fear of death after being at the bedside of 3 beloved family members. All 3 having gone through different types of cancer. I took care of my Mother and my husband at home until their deaths in my arms. There was nothing scary about it. Total peace and even smiles upon there faces as they passed. No more pain and suffering. It was so amazingly quiet and peaceful as they left this world. I no longer fear my death. In fact I want to give my time to Hospice care to sit with families and their dying loved ones.

It is so strange he says conveyer belt. The last conversation I had with my grandma, she told me, "Heather, I can't tell if I'm dreaming. I see my mother and father and everyone I ever knew passing in front of me like they're on a conveyer belt. Isn't that the strangest thing?"

Great series and much appreciated for those who've experienced death anxiety. What helped me the most was learning that it's possible NOT to be afraid. If it's possible for others, it must be possible for me.

Geoff is so lovely, I wish I could help him have his cottage and his pets.

RIP Jeff, thanks for your contributions :)

Death is the least lonely thing in the world. It's the one thing that we all have in common.

I wish death doula was something that existed in Canada. I’ve worked palliative care off and on for many of 13 years and I am like this woman I find most of the experiences as beautiful. I have provided death care for many working in hospital. But there’s something so much more special about being out of hospital and sage and a peaceful passing without machines and all that! This would be my career passion if I could find it locally! Love and sunshine to all ❤️☀️

I would love this woman by my side when I'm dying, she seems awesome

It's rather strange that this should pop up as I have been anxiously thinking recently about my own death (for no apparent reason). My wife died some years ago from cancer and although her death was peaceful in the end mainly thanks to her nurses and medical staff, it was none the less slow, painful and emotionally traumatic for her. I guess that is my fear not the actual dying part but how lead up to death will play out. I know I should try and forget about it and deal with it when it happens, if only my mind would let me.

“I shouldn’t fat shame her should I..” 😹😹

Peace to you, Jeff.

My aunt (my mum’s cousin) was in hospital and she was laying on her bed when we noticed her sheets were wet. We asked her if she wet herself, and she said no and looked slightly confused. At that moment we knew her body was shutting down (she had been battling cancer for a while), so the nurse came in and changed her and she peacefully passed away that same evening. But before she passed away, there was a brief moment where she told us her dad was there (her father died many years ago). I remember her mum telling her to tell her dad to go away, but she passed away not long after that. So her dad came to pick her up one last time.

What struck me is how the younger man had approached death several times on his "conveyor belt", and that in each case his fear became greater upon returning. I am wondering about how to mitigate the fear response of the amygdala so that experiencing the approach of death is not terrifying. I suppose that imagining that and reinforcing the fear response is part of what makes this worse, and that perhaps something such as mindfulness meditation could be of assistance. There is also the work that has been done in recent years with classic hallucinogens in a controlled environment which seems to have been valuable for many. One of the great pities is that this form of treatment is only legal in a few places in the world, (e.g. The Netherlands), as a treatment that helps people approach trauma - death, PTSD, et cetera - from a better frame is something almost all of us could benefit from.

I walked behind my bed from ICU to HDU , I saw myself lying in the bed hooked up to life support. Out of body experience. Something I will never forget .

“Being dead in my bed... the thought of a dead body in my house even if it was just me is just icky to me.” That made me laugh. It’s comforting to know that there are people out there who share the same thoughts about death as you do. I’m absolutely terrified of dying, and I also think about it multiple times a day. I’ll be doing my dishes and my mind will wonder off to that “place.” I don’t want to live forever; I just want to be able to say to myself that I’m going to die one day and that’s okay.

"these are things you want to think about because if you don't, something is going to happen regardless and it may not be the thing that you want. And so, I'm definitely getting into the mindset of death as something to think about, death as something to plan for and death as something to be open to "

Having seen both my mum and sister die in front of me, I can tell that there is something afterwards. If you stop still in that room, you can feel it. The visions of relatives before death have further gave me evidence to that. Another perspective is... most of us eat death every day. Don't we ever stop to think of the dead animal we consume? Are we afraid of that? Once you are gone, your body is a shell. It might twitch a bit but you aren't there anymore

What a LOVELY lady Aly is! Wish this world had more people like her!! ❤️

You are amazing, thank you for doing this series. I've been struggling with death anxiety probably since my early teens but I've always pushed it away. In the last few months it got basically unavoidable without any real reason and I was trying to find the courage to watch these videos for weeks and weeks before I could finally bring myself to do so. With what you're doing you've made me feel not alone with this fear. Thank you for your work and your bravery to face all these situations.