Autistic People Feel Love?

Some people don't know themselves very well because they're almost never single.

When I was a kid, my family would always get mad at me and say that I loved animals more than people and…I think I did.

I relate so much to "I have so much love to give". And yes it seems like every time I try to show love, because I'm naturally a 'show don't tell' kind of person, it's never received as such. Showing up to a friend's house with a coffee (oops they already bought one for themselves, what are you doing weirdo?). Sending people things I relate to or think they would relate to, goes completely over their head. Wanting to talk to them for hours about everything and nothing and get their opinions on it, nah. Wanting to have new experiences with people, travel, do new activities... They've already gone to that place you're suggesting so they are not interested, they don't like that activity even though they've never tried and they definitely don't want to do it with me just for the shared experience. I mean I don't know how else I'm supposed to show love? I show love the way I want to receive love, just like everyone else out there, neurotypical or not. So what do you mean we don't love? To me it feels like other people never show love to me. Because they don't do any of that stuff so how am I supposed to know? I was in a group chat and one of the girls sent semi regular messages of "You know I love you and I'm so appreciative for all of you, right guys?" and I was like... no. It feels super duper fake. It seems like you're just saying that. Anyone could say that but it's not what you're showing. What you're showing is that you take advantage of us. So in my head it's like "okay she's taking advantage of us and then sending this 'I love you and appreciate you' message so that we don't call her out on it and continue to assume the best of her. And that's my opinion, that's my perspective, that's how I receive it. Why does my experience mean any less that everyone else's?

I can go from feeling nothing at all, to with specific special person being so overwhelmed like I'm gonna explode, and need to tell and show how much I love and care about them, and it is too much for alot of people. It's hard to balance emotions, all too easy to be at an extreme.

Labyrinth is so good.

When my mom found out I was autistic (when I was almost 3), because of that misconception that autistic kids can't feel love or affection, she was at first sad about it, but also confused because I was very affectionate with my mom and I smiled and laughed a lot, then she did more research on autism and to this day still loves and supports me. However she knew I was different from other little kids, because I wouldn't look at her when she called my name, I never pointed at anything, I would line up my toy animals, and stuff like that. But I did love her a lot (and still do), and unlike that belief about autistic people not feeling love, I feel intense love for people, but it was only people who I trust and is very close with. And about getting attached to things, I never got how people could just let go of things so easily, I still have a bunch of my toys from my childhood just displayed on my shelves, as well as books, There's no way I would ever wanna get rid of what made me so happy as a child, I didn't even want to get rid of the clothes I grew out of because I loved them, but I had to anyways. I also get very attached to fictional characters.

When I'm around my partner, I will stim like nuts because I have too much love that just overflows into flapping or knocking and he knows and smiles and responds "I love you too," or the echolalia of saying "I love youuu" from a specific character and he will respond back in a way that gets me caught in the echolalia loop and we end up just laughing after I catch on. Autistics love, just in different ways.

3:26 I somewhat relate to that. We had a cat with a heart condition (she lived to the ripe old age of 14 1/2), and I cherished every moment with her because I was aware that any day could've been her last. It's very hard not to think about those things, especially for people who are younger and haven't learned ways to express fears about death and loss.

I've been watching for a few months and wonder why I watch all your videos when I don't for 90% of other channels. Besides enjoying the content I realize you coincidentally post on my days off.

You love just like I do. It’s nice to hear it described by someone else. I really like the idea of a series of autistic emotions, that’s a cool idea.

I feel like the stereotype of “your autistic child will never love you,” is a prime example of the double empathy problem. Just because we don’t express it in a way you understand, that doesn’t mean we don’t feel it! Just because we can’t look you in the eye or say “I love you, mom,” just because that’s what you need to see as a parent to know that you’re loved, that doesn’t my mean you aren’t loved. It’s honestly AMAZING how many ASPD traits got confused with ASD. We DO have empathy. We CAN love. I mean, so can people with ASPD, but to varying degrees or in different ways. It’s just so phenomenally ableist to say, “they can’t say, ‘I love you,’ so I’m an unloved mother.”

Proper real friendships are more important than anything, and they are hard to find. I have no desire to be romantically involved with anyone, just have at least one real friendship again

Excellent video! Thank you for making it.

Defiantly relate, I throw myself into friendships and relationships but eather I'm too much for them or I get used. Don't really maintain friendships anymore, I'm on speaking terms with a few people on dog walks but is more for the doggos than me. And whiles I speak to folk online, its generally as their unofficial therapist( can't help wanting to help people when they in a bad place so I more or less offer my ear to everyone at this point >.< ). Don't even know if I can maintain any sort of relationship now, I'm like that traumatised dog meme 😬

Thx for the upload!

Autistic people feel love probably much more intensely than most as is the case with nearly all emotions. So it would not be surprising if that is another problem in autistic/NT relations what is sometimes called the "double empathy" problem. I'd be curious as to how a relationship with similar intensity levels would play out. Of course finding a certain balance is important in any relationship. I had long pushed back on these feelings (as is often expected with males) and would end up coming off as aloof and uninterested when I felt the opposite and end up alone and very depressed which is also likely more intense for autistics as well. So that may have contributed to the very false idea that autistics do not feel love. We feel these things deeply and that could be one of our "gifts" if we can find the best way to use it.

0:57 I like how unabashed you are with your reaction to that statement. It's hard for me not to internalize these negative ideas that people have spread about autism over the years. The world needs more of people calling out these bad stereotypes.

that was very insightful Dana. Thank you.

I think it’s another case of double empathy where from the outside it looks like autistic people might not experience love but really they just have a different way of expressing it 👍

Yes I’ve also been accused of this. And the fear of losing a parent…I was never afraid of that. But once I had children…omg. I live in a constant state of near panic. It sounds like you take after your dad and that maybe he was on the spectrum in the same ways as you. Losing collections is challenging. I have almost nothing from my past and almost none of my portfolios or proof of my accomplishments. I try not to think about it.