16 Overlooked Autistic Traits in Women

When I was born in the ‘60s, if you weren’t basically catatonic or beating your head against a wall, you weren’t autistic. I was finally diagnosed last year at age 59. I’m so glad there’s so much information and support available now.

As a female on the spectrum you may feel constantly burnt out trying to be somebody, but not even understanding who it is you are trying to be. How true!

I came here because my daughter says she’s autistic, and I’m skeptical, but after watching I’m thinking we’re BOTH autistic.

I’m much more comfortable texting than talking on the phone.

When I was a child, I was a voracious reader with a fantastic memory. I actually mined fiction books for templates on how to behave “normally.” In situations I’d actually riffle through remembered books for a similar situations and act accordingly. I actually see the words in print in my mind and read them like a script: “She paused thoughtfully, then slowly shook her head…” The more I read, the bigger my masking database.

4:36 1. increased difficulty navigating romantic relationships 5:45 2. internalized anxiety from constantly masking 7:22 3. Suppressing honesty to make others more comfortable 8:07 4. copy and paste behaviors 9:12 5. being labeled “sensitive” or “gifted.” 9:45 6. feeling depleted after social events 10:36 7. Secret Stims 11:46 8. Feeling more true to yourself in writing than in person 13:17 9. comfortable in leadership positions 13:51 10. good at gaslighting yourself 15:06 11. rich inner dialogue that you have difficulty articulating 15:49: 12. Fewer female friends/ preference for non-females 16:22 13. feeling really different from female peers 17:04 14. successful in school 17:33 15. socially appropriate special interests 18:21 16. awkward at flirting

I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but my psychiatrist and I are pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. I hadn't realized how much I have masked my entire life, without even realizing it sometimes. I was the extremely shy kid who got put into theater in middle school because my mom hoped it would help me come out of my shell. In college I majored in theater and eventually got 2 degrees in communication. I've literally been trained to act and mimic and mirror others in order to communicate or tell stories effectively. Unmasking has been difficult and at times more exhausting than just continuing to mask

It was really hard not to cry watching this. I'm 33 and terrified to speak to my GP tomorrow but I'm finally taking the jump. Thank you so much for this video.

I was wondering if another trait (related to social awkwardness) is feeling more comfortable with people not of your own age group. As a young adult in my 20's and early 30's, I felt more comfortable with my mom's friends. Now as a mom who is nearly 50, I would rather chat with my daughter's friends and I don't really have friends my own age. I wonder if it has to do with social expectations and wanting to get away from them. I just find it hard to relate to people my own age and I 100% don't understand the desire to get together in groups and have small talk for hours (this would be torture for me). The only way that I would feel comfortable with a group of people for an extended time is if we had an activity to do together, like a game.

A family friend got diagnosed a few years ago and I told her that I suspect myself (38) to be on the spectrum. Her blunt response:“Yeah, I was waiting for the moment you figured that out“. There is a lack in resources for adults on the spectrum here in germany, so I have to wait a year for my first appointment. In the meantime I watch videos like yours and read trough the comment section and to be honest it‘s quite a blast to hear and read about traits and experiences that (finally) match my own. This means a lot, so thank you very much for making me feel less of an alien.

Stims: jiggling leg, individually tightening/loosing small finger or thigh muscles in a rhythmic pattern, silent repeated counting of tiles or room items

I am a newly diagnosed female with autism at the age of 50. My biggest challenge is finding people and groups dedicated to adult females with autism and low support needs.

I am a psychologist who specialized in adult autism. I have had a best friend for over 20 years. I just realized that she is on the spectrum. Making the leap to recognizing her as autistic was shocking. Yes, I was too close to diagnosis her but additionally, it is that difficult to diagnosis in females. I enjoy your talks. Thanks.

I remember vividly one of my teachers saying that I had an ability to adapt to each role that I had to perform in my life - student,sister, daughter etc. I never quite understood why that resonated so much until I realised I was autistic. To this day it’s one of the most eloquent descriptions of masking I have encountered

Wow - so I'm a 49-year-old female who is a director at my place of business, and I honestly was able to recognize every one of these traits in myself. I'm so tired, genuinely exhausted after a day of work - especially on days with lots of meetings - and didn't realize it was because of masking. My social calendar slowed WAY down during Covid, and I actually loved the quarantine because I wasn't burnt out from interacting with people.

I would have avoided so much pain if I had've known that I was actually different. The lack of female friends hurts the most, the not knowing when people are flirting, being too sensitive, different than my family and friends. Thank you for sharing this!

A lot of non autistic women feel this way and do these things.. The pressures put on women to be perfect at such a young age is insane. I feel for women who are autistic because this must be twice as hard.

The gaslighting one really hit uncomfortably close to home - I am dealing with this problem right now because I see people who are younger than me seemingly having their lives under control, and keep telling myself that I should be able to do all the stuff they do, too: find a job, have a stable relationship, live independently, socialize and do their laundry on top of it. Hearing that I should stop comparing myself to peers was important to me, so thank you!

writing out is so much better for me than actually talking it out

I'm an 82-year-old female who is just realizing that I'm autistic, and my discovery is revolutionary! I've just finished writing a novel, called Untethered, to be released in August 2024 by Bold Strokes Books. It's quite autobiographical, takes place during and after a cruise in Indonesia, and features a woman very similar to me discovering my differences from neurotypical women. I relate to all sixteen of the points you make, and It's so freeing to finally begin to understand myself and be able to relate to my fourteen-year-old profoundly autistic grand-niece with much more understanding. Thank you so much for speaking up. Sarah Hendrickx's book on females with autism, published around 2015, has also helped me understand myself.