How I did NOT know I was trans :)

This. I could cry. This is exactly I how lived my life until recently.. Thank you for making this.

There were a lot of things that stunted the realization that I was trans. I was bullied for acting like a boy and for showing interest in girls. Even my parents discouraged that behavior, I was a very conforming kid and when was told that I was a girl and had to do girl things, I reasoned that I was a girl. But I wish I was one of those kids who knew.

I LOVE the layers explanation. Sometimes I feel like I'm rushing into this because I really did just come to the realization that I'm trans. But, like you said, I've been pulling back the layers for years. Love your channel man, keep being awesome!

Thank you so much for this. It upset me to see that most trans guys on here always felt super boy-ish as a child, but before I got a hair cut, I didn't really think about it, and I was super duper feminine, and I still feel like there's some aspects of me that are feminine, but it also feels right to be and "act" like a boy, it feels more natural, I guess. Thank you so much for helping me out !!!

The thing about not dating in high school rings especially true for me. I was attracted to fictional guys but not guys in real life. Partly because I saw them as immature, but also because I didn't see myself as a sexual being. My friends were writing Mary Sue (self-insert) fanfiction and I hated that sort of romantic fantasy because I didn't want to imagine MYSELF with a guy. I only liked to think about other people with guys. Now I see why.

I did not know, that I foud out very late in life at 70 years old, when I brought a computer, look at YT, and click I undestand that i was a woman in My head/brain, mow I live as a woman a 100% inside at home and out side in town

As someone who realized they were trans only two years ago at 20 years old, I relate to the “shell” part. I never really had a sense of identity. I mean, I could draw, I was kind of smart, I had friends, I liked to read, and so on. But if someone would have asked me “Who are you? What makes you different or unique? What makes you… you?” I would have nothing to reply with. I spent so much of my life copying others to try and fit in. What did the girls wear? What did the boys like? What made you popular? Spoiler alert, that path did not end well. Now I am on a path of discovery and finally finding out who I am. The shell is becoming an egg to be hatched.

Oh my gosh you f**king hit the nail on the head when you were talking about your history of relationships. Oh man, I relate so hard. I never realized that I was the man that I pictured in my ideal relationship. Being 21 now, I feel kind of like I'm playing catch-up... and that I missed out on my teenage years. They feel kind of... hallow and unlived. It's kind of sad to think that way... I know. But to a degree it's true for a lot of us I guess. This video helped me a lot though. I'm really glad you posted this.

holy shit i can really relate to a lot of this. i'm mostly attracted to men, but the idea of being with one as a girl makes me want to be violently ill :(

Omg I'm not trans but I so get this. I lived most of my life as I thought I was expected to. Only now that I've allowed myself to 'break the mould' have I discovered emotions and vulnerabilities that I never knew existed.

Man, this hits WAAAAY too close to home. This is literally the video I needed to see and I have practically the same story. Ty for this. <3

33 years old AND just realized that I was trans last year. Exactly the same as your story. I was totally unaware and just sort of accepted that I was a girl and that's just who I am, etc. The second I started shopping for guys clothes, it was like....why didn't I do this before? This is amazing.

"What I want vs. what I want to be" is the question that has had me stumped forever. You've always been on of my favorite vloggers. I'm a super analytic over-thinker, and watching you go on this journey gives me hope that I can get it figured out, too-- eventually. 

I'm 27, finally coming to terms with being trans and this video resonated with me so much. FINALLY someone with a similar story to mine. I didn't have those moments as a kid of saying "I'm actually a boy." I feel the same way about having to peel back layers of conditioning to find my authentic self. So refreshing to see someone who didn't transition as a teenager or in their early 20s.

The layers part is so beyond accurate though. I'm 23 and only just now realizing that I'm trans. And there were so many signs of it when I was a kid (throwing tantrums when put in dresses and turtlenecks, crying when I found out I couldn't stop my boobs from growing), but growing up I had to slowly accept that boy things were okay.

That was how I figured out my ftm identity too! At one point I actually Googled: 'can I be heterosexual but homoromantic?' I didn't really feel anything when thinking about myself as a female with another female, but did when thinking about a straight couple. However, at the same time I realised that I had only had crushes on girls at my own age, and therefore thought I was gay. I never felt that the 'lesbian' label fitted with me, I said to my friends that I'm just "no label". Now I realise that I wanted to be the male role, and I actually like women because I am a straight male!

I always felt like this too. I didn't realize that I was ftm, I thought that it was just puberty or that I was a tomboy. I also thought that I was just a lesbian, but I'm actually bisexual. I didn't really know what transgender was until a few months ago and it made complete sense to me when I looked up others stories. I never really had time to explore my gender and sexual identity until my first year of college (this year) because I had other crisis' in my life going on, but I've been looking back at my childhood and my teen years and realized that there were many clues. Thanks for sharing your story, now I know that I'm not alone.😗😗

People used to call me gay because I was effeminate so I just assumed that I was even though I've never been attracted to men so I just found myself as a closet straight person. It's only recently that I've been able to accept the person I am but like you I just went about my life with the labels assigned taken as fact

all of this makes so much sense. i had that lack of rebellion too because of other family issues. much love

Thank You, Austin...for bringing such clarity to your trans journey. I relate to so much of what you're sharing and it's so helpful. This is so exciting...