A CLUTTERED LIFE: Middle-Class Abundance

Check out "Healthy Longevity: A Geriatrician's Perspective" here: https://youtu.be/L1fF06kheP4

an elderly woman once told me, "my mother-in-law said she spent the first half of her life collecting everything, and spent the last 1/2 of her life getting rid of it."

He who buys what he doesn't need, steals from himself.

From a European perspective, this looks like a pure urban design consequence. Where I live, I can get most of what I need in 15 minutes from the nearest small store. Then I have a larger store in 10 minutes walk. The school is a block away. There's no need to optimize and stockpile. A lot of people, me included, do not have cars and have little use for them. In US, the suburban concept intuitively feels as freedom - going wherever you need by car which anyone has, living in a vast space. But in fact that urban design turns up a huge burden, chore and time sink for everyday life working class leads - work, school, store. Life looks better by its abundance - larger houses, lawns - but does it feel better when you are paying for that in dealing with commute and stockpiles in hours of boring hassle, day in and day out?

I had to clear out my mother and grandmother's home. Both had a lot of clutter. They passed 19 months apart, so on top of the grieving, I was overwhelmed and angry. I swore I would never do that to my kids and have been downsizing since.

One Christmas, when my kids were little, I watched them open their Christmas presents. Like so many people I felt a lot of pride in giving them a lot of presents and what I thought was joy. But as I watched, I noticed that while they were excited to open their gifts, after they opened them they would often play with ONE toy only. I watched them closely. In some cases, they never touched the other toys again. It was instructive and it took some time for me to convince my husband but after that, we would ask them what is the one thing they wanted and give them just that one gift. They never knew the difference.

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” ― George Carlin

In my experience, the "middle class" in the US can often be teetering on the edge of poverty. I think, aside from all the other causes, knowing that resources are tight keeps people afraid of getting rid of things, just in case they will need it someday. And to me there seems to be a deep loneliness that people are trying to fill by shopping and filling up their spaces with clutter, not unlike people who gorge themselves in order the satiate an emotional hunger.

The toy issue is so tough. My wife and I are constantly having to tell grandparents our kids don't need more cheap plastic toys (I don't me literally cheap, but just toys that end up being junk in a couple months). It's a constant struggle and it's exhausting having to constantly deal with questions about what the kids want for birthday/Christmas. And our parents don't even buy that much compared to the stories I hear from friends. After several discussions about this with our parents they are trying to resist the impulse of buying things for the grandkids simply because they can. My inlaws have started giving experiences instead of physical items. Day trips or overnighters to local places. It's still a constant battle, but getting our 'village' on board really has helped.

As a single older man running a business the COVID crisis hit and I was forced to stay in my home. 20 years of clutter and filth in house and garage. It took 6 weeks to sort out. The master bedroom became the most spartan and uncluttered looking more like a hotel room or nice AirBnB. A peacefulness settled into me as priorities became clearer and practical applications of creativity took wing. I don't think I'm alone in this. I think a lot of us 'woke up'. Thanks for the informative video from Alabama.

Instead of giving gifts as objects give experiences as gifts. An outing, a show, a night out etc. Memories and life experiences are worth more to someone

Makes me wonder how much our frequenting shopping centers (and subsequently over-buying) is also due to lack of public spaces/plazas for families. I know my family will go to Target just because there's not much else to do. Buying becomes the activity.

I have decluttered incredibly much over the past few years. Not once have I regretted giving something away. People often comment on how cosy yet minimalistic my flat is because I think we all intuitively realise that a clear space equals a clear mind. The less I have to tidy and take care of stuff, the more I can take care of myself and loved ones. I've also become virtually immune to ads - once you realise that you treat yourself to things because you're tired or insecure or hate working so much, you gradually learn how to question that behaviour and substitute it with much more fulfilling things (e.g. go outside, cook a nice meal, go to a memorable event, create something with your own hands) which will also save you a lot of money and help you create a life that you don't have to escape from or try to upgrade through consumerism

Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. Epictetus.

My mother was a hoarder, I became one as well. When my mother passed, I was overwhelmed with what I would keep of my mother’s and what to get rid of. This made me realized that I didn’t want my children to deal with my stuff. It took me awhile, but I started to purge my stuff. It’s like a weight was lifted off me. Less for me to clean, less to organize. It starts in your mind. I feel better now.

I love how compassionate, understanding, and non-judgemental these reaearchers were. They spoke about these families and homes with great respect.

Almost 10 years later and this is still relevant to people all over the globe. Congratulations!

I was an art collector and designer for years. My own home was packed. One day I read an article about Swedish death cleaning. I sold almost everything within 6 months and now live in a studio apartment with way more money and nothing I don't need and use. I'm a lot happier.

Several years ago after getting tired of having junk in my house and accumulating stuff oh, I had a serious conversation with my husband. I said honey I want to retire at the age of 55 I've worked hard all my life we have had many luxuries, we have traveled, we've eaten in the best restaurants, Etc I am tired of junk. I am tired of working hard. I need a break. So what did we do? We sold everything we owned. We sold our house. We sold our furniture. We sold our cars. We sold as many things as we could. Today I live in Sunny Puerto Rico in a mountainous region. And don't owe anybody anything. Oh I bought a nice little house. My husband recently died. And I am not indebted. We need to learn to live without so much junk in our lives. That way your heart can have room to think about the things that are more important and have the things that are more important. Like love, peace, harmony especially having God in our hearts is important.

This is why I started doing an architectural degree , because I could not understand the way houses have been designed over the centuries. When I became a stay at home mum the regular house design didn’t flow or work, the kitchen was always the smallest room in the house. The laundry was not near the kitchen, there wasn’t a bathroom close by often, areas for the children to play next to the kitchen weren’t there, etc. etc. I’m guessing or it is true that most architects have been men who have not spent time at home with children for any real length of time. I think that the home can make or break a family, especially a very busy family the house needs to work properly for that family. Hopefully in the future it will be normal to have a different design of house that suits family life better and the first thing that needs to change is making the kitchen the largest part of the house with multiple stations, in the kitchen, near the kitchen or beside the kitchen.