Emotional Intimacy: The Missing Piece to Many Relationships

It takes 2 very SECURE people to have emotional intimacy. We’re not supposed to baby our significant others and enable unhealthy behaviors, but we can protect their insecurities as well—up to a point— for self-growth.

As a fellow male INFJ I related to the need for emotional intimacy in romantic and platonic relationships. Without it I generally feel like I'm sorely misunderstood. In most cases I find myself losing interest in the relationship or forming resentments without it as well. I think the biggest challenge for most men is figuring out to articulate the need and get vulnerable enough to do so. I have had it reciprocated in a few relationships but it takes time, acceptance, and more vulnerability than most are comfortable with.

The child abuse epidemic is so brutal that it takes half of adulthood just to heal from this and emotional intimacy is a huge struggle for so many due to this epidemic. Not to mention the struggle to just survive, to attain bread and butter while dealing with trauma. It’s almost like emotional intimacy is a privilege. Yet we try.

It is refreshing to hear a man speak about vulnerability, intimacy and healthy communication in relationships. I admire your openness and courage, in sharing your thoughts and ideas in youtube videos.

For 6 years my partner and I didn’t fight. Not one argument...not even a debate. I would get upset at times but that was it. Year 6 I realized it was because my husband was not emotionally invested the way I was. When you don’t give emotionally to the relationship, mostly through communication, then you haven’t invested into the relationship the way that forms emotionally connection. I’m married and we get by as friends because we both care for each other. I often catch myself in imaginary relationships. Filled with the type of magnetism my heart craves. I developed an anxiety disorder as a result and am always feeling depressed and alone.

You are really good at explaining how exactly an INFJ feels and how their brain work.

this is why being a male infj is both a blessing and a curse. men are taught to be macho in society, and the infj male isnt made for the world.

Oh thank god. Glad I was not too demanding when i told my ex i couldnt do it without emotional connection

This really spoke to me because I have a “perfect” relationship EXCEPT for the emotional intimacy part, and that feels so important to me. Thanks for clarifying.

This is so important to me, bc I feel like we are just wasting each other’s time if the person I’m in a relationship with won’t open up. I take it personally when they shut down. As much as INFJs want intellectual conversations, we also crave emotional depth. I use to try to make it work anyway, but just ended up feeling rejected. It’s not worth my time any more to do that. I deserve to be known and to have the opportunity to get to know the person I’m in a relationship.

I don't think you said a single thing that doesn't describe my thoughts, my feelings, and my experiences in the same way. That's rare in an 18 minute video. Nice one!

I've found that a person has to have a certain level of emotional intelligence in order to dive deap! I used to have a guy best friend that I clicked with on a deep level from middle school all the way into adulthood. The first time I truly felt seen and understood. We believed in and even challenged eachothers theologies and philosophies on a number of subjects. It also didn't hurt that we shared the same sense of humor! What a wholesome connection that was whilst it lasted!

same here. it takes me years to say what I really want in life. I say it when I'm really pissed off with a boyfriend. but I do realise it's my own fault. now I try to open up sooner and don't waste too much time. not easy though as I'd expose my deepest thoughts and feelings. yes, you are right, it's very hard to trust someone. we fear being judged. it's easier to open up to someone who we don't have feelings for because they can't hurt us.

So nice to hear a young man that is wise beyond his years. Great video !!

Fellow infj it feels like you saying the things I cant articulate. Well done. Also being in touch with our feminine side is an amazing strength and gives us balance that others cannot achieve. Be proud to see the other side of the coin, I know I am.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain." - Gibran This video made me think of this

I believe your YouTube channel will reach out to a lot of people...this is quality content. Everything you talk about really connects with me personally. Also nice lighting that you did in the background 👌.

Emotional intensity arises from a need to share yourself rather than your thoughts. It is not a male-female thing. It is a secure soul (inner self connection) vs a personality self (adaptive outer-World orientation, trying to fit in or present to others what living in this culture expects one to be.

That was perfect. Life is short...people need to ask firm questions and I'm guessing the core desire for all beings is freedom to be. So that involves surrender to conditionings that don't serve that freedom.social order seems to have seeped into love.

💯 Clay…most men are petrified of vulnerability & don’t even know it