History Summarized: The Cities of Ancient Sparta

I think one of the cruelest jokes history played on Sparta is that it didn't have an epic end of being destroyed in battle, it just slowly faded into insignificance.

Sparta was on the level-grind, and other players could see their hours played and base size. BUT Sparta never completed any main story quests, never went outside their starting area, never got high-level items, and rarely teamed up. Sparta needed to touch grass, instead they chewed bones.

I'd like to think that unworthy spartan babies weren't wholly useless: they became a part of Sparta's air force

“I’m as tired as a Mycenaean Helot,” has always been a favorite phrase of my grandfather to express his need to rest after a long day, before he retired. He likes to flex his obscure knowledge.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Meet the Spartans, which is a parody/troll of the movie 300, is when King Leonidas refuses to work with Xerxes. Xerxes says to the Leonidas "You'll regret this. Sparta will be wiped from the history books!" Leonidas hilariously responds with "Well that doesn't bother me, because I can't read!"

Sparta is the civilization equivalent of dumping all your stats into just strength

Sparta being so stereotyped now makes sense to me. If only outside or secondary sources on them survived it would of course mean that they wouldn't be seen in a nuanced light. It would be interesting to see how they actually lived, but that was sadly denied by themselves. Good video 👍

I think one of the best epithets for Sparta is that they were never conquered... ...because they were rendered wholly impotent after pissing off basically entire ancient world. The last mention in actual history of the "noble and ancient Sparta" was as a tourist trap for Roman travelers and source of beefcake bodyguards for fashionable and rich Roman women.

Spartans had no fear of their enemies because they knew they had more to fear at the hands of their own people

Absolutely insane to think that there may have been entire city-states like Sparta that we don't know anything about, simply due to the ravages of time.

Madness? THIS IS… a highly educational video, please show yourself out

For anyone interested, I highly recommend Kieron Gillen's graphic novel Three which is the story of three Helots trying to escape Sparta in the aftermath of the Battle of Leuktra (one of Sparta's worst defeats) and focuses heavily on the highly self-defeating and self-destructive and cruel society of Sparta. It was inspired, according to the author, by his experience reading 300 by Frank Miller and getting increasingly angry at all the scenes of the Spartans going on about Freedom and how Free they were and how they were Fighting for Freedom and how everytime that happened he would yell at the pages "YOU HUNTED SLAVES!" It is an excellent and bittersweet tale and thoroughly researched.

Athenians: Those Spartans were a speedbump at Thermopylae and have been coasting on it ever since...

The Spartans are always a funny one. When I first heard the legend of them when I was a kid I was like "holy macaroni! These guys are the coolest dudes ever!!!!" Then I got older, did some reading. Found out about how their society was only possible cuz they conquered and enslaved the entire population of a neighboring area to do their food growing and whatnot for them, etc etc. For every "Wow!" aspect of the Spartans there were quite a few accompanying "well.." bits. That said, whenever the Spartans come up in conversation the first place my brain goes to is "Fuck yeah, dude! They were awesome!" Then I remember all the rest of it. Like I loved the movie 300 despite myself, but in the theater when Leonidas mocks the Athenians as "boy lovers" I was like "the Spartans had INSTITUTIONALIZED PEDERASTY!!!!" A couple years later I met a dude about my age on one of the occasions my Ma dragged me to her Crazy Church (an non-denominational jawn which seemed to take the most bizarre reading of anything they could) who IDOLIZED both Spartans and Samurai yet was also homophobic to a degree I'd rarely encountered. My Ma had told him I train in koryu bugei (old school Japanese martial arts) so he glomped on to me. He'd go off about Spartan bravery or Samurai cleanliness and then express disgust at "butt pirates" and "pillow biters" and I'd be like "well if ye like Spartans and Samurai I've got some very very bad news for ye..."

I will always remember the idea that you only got a tomb stone in Sparta if you died in battle for the men or if you died during childbirth for the women. Both acts for Sparta and highly valued. The shear x = y of Sparta is hilarious

“Biggest export is pithy quotes and VIOLENCE” Classic Mandalore

I’d love to see an episode on the history of Georgia! It’s an often overlooked country and it’s an interesting one at that

.... and then centuries later the mighty Sparta became little more than a tourist trap for Roman travellers.

The more I learn about Sparta, the more I can't help but think literally the only thing I can truly respect about it is having some kickass one liners.

The more I listen to your and other videos on Greek history and mythology, the more I realize how hilariously misinformed I actually am about said history.