What Being Autistic Taught Me About Being Human | Daniel Wendler | TEDxBend

My neighbour's son is "autistic spectrum" also called Daniel, now aged 7. I'm 70, single & so say, "normal". I couldn't understand his attempts at verbal communcation until last Christmas. He suddenly took off & is a right chatterbox now. I loved his hugs at the door when I visited, & soon started to say from my heart "I love you I love you I love you". Of course he'd immediately rush off to play on his own. I was thrilled the day he took my hand to play with him, but had no idea how he wanted to play, or the obsessions. I continue to struggle to understand him in more depth, relying on his Mum to teach me. I'm now going to watch lots of videos about autism spectrum. I had to move house 150 miles away. About 8 weeks before I moved he started to call me Grandma J all on his own, & that was my name from then on. I feel so proud. I had to ask his to teach me how to be a good Grandma. "Meet meet him when he comes home from school". So I did. He took my hand & we walked together in front of the school. (He usually rushes everywhere.) He told every single person, even the road menders, "This is Grandma J." I felt so proud. (I was the 1st person apart from his Mum who had met him from school) I was recently shocked & in tears, that his real grandparents don't even bother with a birthday card, although his grandmother has fostered several children. How could they??? He has such a lovely temperament & tries so hard, I'm thrilled by any small step he manages to overcome. Yes he also only has 1 friend at school. Mum & I try to say that it's quality not quantity, but how devastatingly hard for the little chap? I'm devastated to think he only has 2 birthday cards. He's noticed that he never gets invited to other children's birthday parties. He has filled such an important empty space in my life, it never occurred to me that I might be important to him. Instead of feeling a useless, unwanted old woman, & burden on society, I now have a purpose in life. So to those with a diagnosis of autism on here. I want to tell you that from the so called "normal perspective" you can heal us with love, & bring us joy too. Give an old woman without family a family. Forget differences in brain wiring, we are indeed all human beings in need of love, companionship, & acceptance. It IS tough, but never ever give up hope. I add that I also experienced ostracism at school. I suppose that I'm a congenital "nerd"!!

I am autistic, I have no friends, and I have no relationship by choice. I am also schizophrenic. I am happy in my own space and I like to think to myself. I like to travel as it frees my mind.

I've been watching these talks on Autism for ages and this has to be the most positive and inspiring one I've come across so far. Thank you!

"...sometimes they would pretend to like me so they could convince me to eat potato chips that they secretly spit on..." The pain in that statement :((

The good side of having Asperger is that you are able to see 2 worlds overlapped: the Neurotypical and the Aspie. It's a gift and I am proud of it.

Absolutely bawling my eyes out over my pasta while watching this alone tonight. Only recently realised i'm autistic, despite my older brother being diagnosed as a kid. Female autistic people are disproportionately undiagnosed and/or diagnosed with other mental health conditions instead. I may not have typical autistic traits or stereotypes like maths, trains or video games but this emotional speech really hit me. Thank you for this.

I’m autistic and I already started crying as soon as he said ‘I just wanted a friend’

When he talked about his birthday alone with pizza, I started crying. It resonates so deeply with me. I’m always alone on my birthdays; it never occurred to me that I could invite people to spend time with me, it never crossed my mind that I would need company. It’s only now that I realize I was feeling alone.

I remember my parents and my brother telling me that people would hate me and beat me up if I continue to behave the way I did. I had no clue what I did wrong. And still don’t know.

I was like that in high school. Didn't talk to anyone, skipped lunch to avoid having to socialize.

I'm autistic as well but i've never had a desire for friendship, i've always been content being completely alone. However, being alone is a completely different beast, as it's not a natural way for us to be.

This made me burst out crying... My best friends who are always there for me have made life worth living when internally it's often a struggle. I am so glad they are there for me

I’m in high school and I’ve been struggling to make real connections with people as I feel very uncomfortable with someone if I’m with them for too long and I never know when it’s appropriate to “deepen a conversation”. Recently I really spiraled down so now I’m seeing a therapist and I’m hoping I can work through some of my issues, but this talk really inspired me that I can get past this stage of my life.

I can relate. I have Aspergers, and was severely abused and bullied until I got out of high school.

That long spoon analogy is great. A good message.

I saw Daniel and Kyler back in 2019 at an Autism conference and absolutely love their friendship. Daniels positivity and very true message that, yes we may be different but we are all human, is so basic but powerful. We all need reminders that no matter how “typical” or “divergent” we are, we all share core similarities and are all deserving of love, dignity, and respect.

This was one of the best talks on Asperger's. I identify COMPLETELY, almost down to the detail. You have an amazing and calm demeanor and will make a wonderful psychologist/therapist. I wish you luck and hope you continue to share your videos and research. Thank you so much.

I met Daniel last year when I was interviewing for the doctoral program he attended. It was very surreal watching this video (I stumbled across it). I saw "TED x Bend" and wondered if it was in Bend , OR. And when he said he was studying to become a psychologist, I realized he was the guy I talked to at a pizza social the night before interviews. Super weird feeling. I was impressed with him then and I am even more now.

As I am hearing this, I thought about my own experiences. I am autistic. I am an occupational therapist. I am also a 2-timer of this very stage. Your talk made me think of some night and day experiences before and after I started occupational therapy school. Before occupational therapy school, I really was like you.  I spent a lot of time alone. My social time during my undergrad years in particular- I only participated in poker tournaments (home games or event organized by school) as a means for some form of social interactions. Even though I was competent socially, I never interacted with my classmates or my faculty much. I ended up paying the price of not networking well... which led me to be unemployed for a year (though I did end up in occupational therapy school because of this). Now, my social life is a completely different ball game. At work, I still seek a lot of me time whenever possible (at work or at home). However, I do get along with my colleagues reasonably well. And when I go to occupational therapy conferences, I literally would have conversations non-stop, like a star quarterback on campus. It is because I have such strong social media presence and what I can offer professionally in multiple ways. In addition, I am extremely involved in my profession. Because of that, I got another great group of friends in terms of doing projects together or compete with one another for things that we all want. I think us autistics can do awesome things! We just need the right opportunity and right network. Also, don't let our perceived deficits limit us. We won't know what we are capable of until we try!

I recently began seeking an ASD diagnosis as a 26 year old woman. I’ve withdrawn and haven’t spoken to my friends in almost a year. Well this video has made me rethink that. I think I’m going to reach out to them this weekend. Thank you 🥺❤️