Why do Most Relationships Fail? - The Myth of the Magical Other

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Your partner is not there to solve your problems, but to help you get through them together, we often forget this, which causes bitterness.

The hardest person to breakup with is the one we imagine.

Been married 26 years. And while I do love my wife, the more important thing is that I really really LIKE her. The way she moves in the world and amongst others, not always to her positive benefit, is a constant fascination to me. She is the most honest person I've ever met which in turn makes me want to be more honest in everything I do. It's an unburdensome way to live; without reference to how others see you other than as a completely honest person.

Acting lovingly without the romantic aspect is what makes a lasting marriage. There is mutual admiration, respect and deep care for the other.

A while back my sister read me the quote “Don’t find someone you can live with, find someone you can’t live without.” I laughed and told her it is just the opposite!

You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.

Impeccable timing as my girlfriend broke up with me this morning. Thank you

Yes! We fantasize the other person into something they never claimed to be in the first place, and then somewhere down the road blame and resent them for not being that illusory figment. True love.

Most people settle with someone who isn't really suited for them, because deep down they believe they won't get someone who is truly suited for them.

When I first met my wife, we had a wonderful and passionate infatuation. It was great and I don’t think that phase is unimportant. But that initial passion tends to smolder and die sometimes, and it is also rekindled. In between, we are best friends. We’ve been separated a lot due to our jobs, and it made us better partners for each other and helped us not take each other for granted. Soul mates are not something or someone that you find, they are built by two people committing to be the best versions of themselves they can be, both for themselves, and also for each other. Love is sticking through the hard times, even when your partner may be irritating or infuriating, or when life keeps throwing curveballs your way, and learning how to be better from one another. Not by tearing your partner down, but by ensuring you both know you’re always on each others side, and by taking both correction and praise and using it to be better people.

I am a marriage and family therapist, and I could not possibly agree more with the content of this video. Simply brilliant! Expertly done you all. Truly.

I heard someone say that it is not about being insanely in LOVE with each, other but insanely in RESPECT for one another... That is what lasts. I 100% believe this statement to be true

Excellent video. The immature side of romantic love says “fill me,” but the more mature side has enough substance to give, and wants to pour into the other. Aside from that, a romantic relationship shouldn’t be limited to romance alone. A business partnership (or something like it), shared hobbies, values and dreams all build depth and richness to a relationship. And it always stems from mature, independent adults voluntarily entering the partnership.

It s been more than 20 years that I m with my husband. Since beggining of relationship, the goal was " looking together in the same direction". We knew hormones ( love and lust ) gradually go down so those were not the base of a long relationship. We deserve each other cause neither of us think they deserve it more. We are both imperfect, we help each other despise those imperfection and through those imperfections. We choose, every day, that we still are better and stronger together. An other human beeing is not responsible for your hapiness nor is your intertainment. My husband is too honest ( for regular society standards ). He won t let me live into my lies, he won t say lies to makes me happy. But ultimately, this is what we need, what I need. We do not count what we give each other. I hope my girls will find a partner like I did and that people still tries too have a partner. Do not let yourself down, humanity needs good people to survive.

My grandmother always said that the best relationships are based on friendship so this is what I'm going for. My boyfriend and I are like chalk and cheese but, despite our differences, we still found common ground and can have fun together. The love element is just a bonus because, even if one day we will stop loving one another, we will still have the solid foundation of friendship, mutual respect and appreciation.

We didn't understand this for the first few years of our marriage. Thank God we got over it. We are at almost 33 years together. We are not and never will be perfect but we are comfortable with our life together

In my youth I searched and searched for the "magical other". When I figured out it was something unattainable I concentrated on the qualities I thought were important for a life partner who also wanted a family. Now, almost 50 years later, I'm still married to the same wonderful guy , my children have grown into adults who inspire me, and our granddaughter is the cherry on top. Trust me, we went through many, many hard times. Almost split up! But we worked it out. Wasn't easy but it's been worth it. ❤

It's easy; Have realistic expectations and live within a reasonable means. Have trust in them, support them physically, mentally and emotionally. As a couple you should both be going out and doing physical activities in nature for as far as you can in life, this will significantly increase the pair bonding over time.

I reached a very similar conclusion. I've equated building a long-term relationship based on romance alone is like making a cake solely out of frosting. I've also concluded that the fate of romance-based relationships are either: dissolution, unhealthy sustain (either by finding other stimulants or maintaining an arrested development), or refounding it on a completely different basis.