"The Morning After" (a thought about facing bereavement) by Westley Nash
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Published 2022-06-12
It was roughly 6am when I awoke from an unnatural, deep sleep. A bright sunny morning, the sunlight was reaching around the sides of the curtain and spreading it’s warmth across the wall. Bird song was pricking upon my ears as my weary eyes fought to adjust. So too my brain struggled against the slothful malaise surrounding it, all of which left me laying inactive in the bed. Now while it may have only been a moment, I will always remember just how relaxed my heart was within those brief few seconds of serenity. A merciful pause before the distressing memories of yesterday crept back into mind!
It’s not an uncommon experience of course, as bereavement aside I’m sure we have all at some point known that moment of disorientation when we first awake from a heavy sleep. I recall someone once compared it to when you log back into a video game and the world loads up a bit at a time before you can start playing. And so the gentle stillness was soon shattered by the heart stopping vision of my father laying lifeless in that hospital bed, pouring back to the forefront of my mind’s eye like a flood! Bringing with it all the traumatic emotions I had suffered the day before. This was the very first time (of many yet to come) that I felt my loss deep down within my soul. Where something that once seemed like a terrible nightmare disappearing amid the bright day’s light, had instead taken it’s place as the cold and empty reality I was now living...
“The Morning After” is my attempt to describe this experience. Grief changes our perception in a lasting way. Where we discover far too late, just how temporary the permanency is... And just how permanent the loss can be...
Best Wishes.
Westley xx
#thoughtsofsteel
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All Comments (5)
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Yes those few precious happy moments before coming fully awake….then reality slaps you in the face and the pain returns…you re-live that terribly sad sad loss over and over again.
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This is so beautiful Westley. The word that stood out for me was the word 'panic'—that finality, the realisation and the desperation. Your videos are important for others as well as for yourself; we all benefit from them.
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grief is a never-ending road death is the ultimate parting of ways with no one to replace the lost one
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Thank you for sharing, Wes. It is a very brave thing you are doing here. Very personal.
