Why Reality Shows Are Obsessed With Getting Married ASAP

There's a movie with Dakota Johnson called "How to be single" that depicts single life in a very real way. In a sense that the only person you'll be spending all your life with is yourself. There's also no romantic partner in the end. It was so refreshing: a movie that's not pushing a marriage or a committed relationship onto the viewers. Because all of the romcoms kind of suggest: you CAN be a single girl enjoying romance and sex, but ONLY if you're headed for marriage eventually. How dare you just date for the sake of dating and have fun.

"Marriage takes work. And it's about creating a deep and lasting bond, not just a one-day party." . Exactly! Nicely put.

You hit the nail on the head with the comment about what’s more important, being happy or just being married. Seems like all the contestants on these reality shows are willing to put themselves through mental and emotional hell just so they can say they are married. It’s like the most important thing is just to get picked, who you’re picked by and going to spend the rest of your life with is almost an afterthought.

Sure I want to be married. But I don’t want to meet new people…or leave the house…

Never underestimate the appeal of the human trainwreck.

With how unaffordable weddings are I'm wondering if there's a correlation between people who dreamed of that big moment and having to achieve it by taking part in reality shows and whatnot that helps finance those dreams. Hm

I was always turned off by the idea of a man “wearing a woman down.” We see many couples where they end up resenting each other and I think this is a big cause. The man put in all his effort at the beginning and since he has her she becomes familiar and uninteresting, the woman was never truly interested so she’s even more unhappy than before. I think love is multifaceted. I always wanted mutual attraction and respect. One person’s path may not be right for another person but humans have hard times with others who choose to live another way.

One of my favorite TV relationships is still Booth and Brennan from Bones. Not only was it a very slow burn, they had to overcome quite a few personality and values differences before they were ready to accept each other. Yet by the time they did, they thoroughly understood what they were getting into and loved each other all the more for it.

Reality shows are not reality

I think these reality shows do well with pairing couples that want to get married for clout purposes or career purposes bc ultimately marriage is an agreement n that’s probably theirs. At least they honest.

I really want to be sure before I get married and if that may lead to me never being married, I rather stay that way than being with someone I regret marrying or divorced. It may happen anyway but I want to feel safe as much as possible. Everytime I see people being miserable over their divorce, them not seeing a dark and hidden side in their spouse or things not working out between them, I try to learn from that by not rushing into things (especially because I have a self manipulative side in me that may help me to settle with the wrong person instead of the right one...)

There is a massive difference between wanting to Get married and wanting to Be married. Also, asking newlyweds on a weekly basis if they want out is a terrible idea. The first year of marriage is rocky.

People are overlooking a real issue that comes from marriage or the heteronormal "fairytale". Single childfree women are happiest as are married men, thats not a coincidence. I work in the NHS in neurology and the sheer volume of women i see with inflammatory diseases and FND who are married, partners are not that supportive and/or have children which plays a role. Yes yes i know men get this too but its predominately women. The "cute" blind date couple i noticed she had a cane. I did wonder if it was linked to the above! Ladies emotional labour ages the mind and body. Remember that.😢

And here I am at 37 having only spent 4 years of my life in a relationship, and being single for something like 10 years. I want a stable relationship the way these people want to get married.

I think this rushing into getting married stuff is absolutely ridiculous. I'm a millennial who's been happily married to another millennial since 2011 and I thought it was fast that we met in 2008, started dating in 2009, got engaged in 2010, got married in 2011 and moved in permanently in 2012. Apparently that's eons long according to reality TV. We didn't rush kids either. We had been married for 10 years by the time I was pregnant and we only just have the one kid and we're sticking with one and done. I can't imagine basing a marriage on knowing someone for a few weeks; that sounds absolutely horrendous and in a way it kind of cheapens the whole value of marriage. It's great if people decide marriage isn't for them. They deserve to be happy in whatever way that means. But for those of us who are married or want to get married, seeing this play out as a show just cheapens the whole experience to a spectacle and little more than a party and attention. Not the official solidification of a lifelong relationship. It's just weird! 😅

One bit of cultural context that this video doesn't really touch upon is how changing marriage patterns also have to do with economics. There are plenty of young people (myself included) who want to get married but find that the costs of a wedding and having kids are a little too daunting at the moment. So those things get delayed until a measure of financial stability can be achieved, which sure feels like it's taking longer on average than it used for previous generations To be fair to The Take, though, movies and TV shows haven't really caught up to this phenomenon, so it's not like there's a ton of on-screen examples to demonstrate that point

Remember when the Dating Game had an active serial killer as a contestant?

In reality shows, its not marriage they’re after. It’s the wedding. Centre of attention, best makeover and dress ever and a big party. But there are so many seasons now, half the participants are from casting agencies. The darker side is domestic violence and familial homicide. So much more common than reported and so much worse than a single life. The reality tv contestants seem less and less ready mentally to deal with the inevitable conflict which comes with marriage. And too self-absorbed to put in the work.

The couple that had a TikTok video done of them that went viral was also on an episode of the Big Fat Quiz where the contestants had to guess why they were famous during the 80s when they were on Blind Date. They’re so stinkin’ cute!

It’s a bit of a misnomer to compare a stable, long-term, healthy relationship that’s took time to build to a fast tracked marriage, because it’s sort of assumes that the former is actually a possibility. The former is a possibility, but it’s not a guarantee, nor would it fit within the confines of a television season.