How To Meet New People (Even If You're An Introvert)
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Published 2018-05-07
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Following is a transcript of the video:
Susan Cain: When you do find yourself in a full on networking event. You know, say it's a cocktail party or a happy hour. One of the most effective tips you can use is just to shift your mindset. So instead of the mindset of thinking what am I gonna say to these people? Instead go in there and think how can I make the people around me comfortable?
I think the biggest misconception about introverts is that they're antisocial. They're not antisocial, they're not misanthropic. They're differently social. Introverts in general prefer to invest their energies into a few close friendships. Sometimes people ask me, well if you're an introvert how do you go about making new friends? And I think the answer really is more or less the same as it would be for an extrovert which is we tend to make friends most easily with people who we feel some kind of connection with. You know people who feel like a kindred spirit whether just in terms of what their world view is or in terms of shared interests and shared passion. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to do the ones that you don't like and instead actively seek out the ones you do.
If you think that you're too introverted and that's holding you back you'll be so much more powerful once you really come to terms with who you are. I see this again and again. There's a kind of paradox that the more people have with themselves the more powerful they are in externally oriented roles like a job interview or negotiation or something like that. And if you need to get a sense of that peace one way to do it is to look for role models of people who you think have a personality style similar to yours and who are doing the kinds of things that you want to do in the world.
I've gone through a real evolution when it comes to public speaking because I used to be terrified of public speaking and I saw it as a terror so profound that there was no way to overcome it, but here's the thing, for those of you who feel this way whether it's about public speaking or any other kind of fear the way to conquer it is you have to expose yourself to thing that you fear in very small manageable bite sized steps. So you don't begin by giving a Ted Talk. You have to start really slowly so you might instead like sign up for Toastmasters. You know, sign up for your local chapter where you're gonna be in a setting of supportive people and it's safe and it doesn't matter how much you screw up. And little by little by little the horror will start to recede and you'll be able to bring your personality into the room with you.
Imagine that you're the host and imagine you go up to somebody. It is your job to make them feel good and that's gonna change completely your demeanor and your body language. And then if you couple that also with the idea of every single person has at least one, usually many more fascinating things about them and my job is to tap into my natural curiosity and figure out what that fascinating thing is. That also is going to serve you really well. It can be very helpful to prepare a couple of topics that you might want to talk about or questions to ask, but really at the end of the day it's about a shift in mindset.
All Comments (21)
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Introverts become ridiculously talkative once you get to know them and discuss something they like.
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I've been an introvert my whole life and I kinda want to change my lifestyle. I'm comfortable hanging out by myself and I don't hate it but I want to spend my youth socializing with others
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We Are NOt AntisocIal... We Are Selectively Social
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Wow, this woman makes me feel so calm
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This way she talks is very soothing. I could listen to her all day ☺
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me watching this while staring at a dimly lit screen in a dark room with blinds closed
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I listen much more than I speak and I've found that people are not shy to tell you their life story. I think most people would like someone to listen to them but that's hard to find . Introverts are not unhappy people, they just lack the desire to be noticed and out front. I love you all, you wonderfully quiet people❤️❤️❤️
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if you want to save time, video starts at 1:53
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Introverts would certainly babble once someone discuss what they’re interested.
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Introverts make great friends because from my experience, we are great listeners. Remember there’s always two sides to any social interaction, the one speaking, and the one listening. Some extroverts seem almost compulsive when they talk and to talk a lot. Maybe from trying to talk over other extroverts. It’s refreshing for them when they find someone who isn’t as interested in talking so much, and willing to listen instead. Give up worrying about being too quiet and what to say next, and just listen to the other person. I think most people, extroverted or introverted, would benefit if more people learned the art of being a good active listener.
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Video: Ask youself how can you make people feel comfortable. Me:... By leaving them the hell alone, duh.
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One thing I really get sick of is being the only person willing to make the approach, make the effort of talking and getting to know people, and the person doing absolutely nothing to engage in return. I do agree that going to places like Toastmasters, where the people are more likely to have a conversationalist mindset will help
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I am introvert but I am not shy or scared to do public speaking. I just don’t want to speak to you in particular in this certain time. Doesn’t seem like I really need to. But if it comes to a point where I need to do public speaking, I do it. I really don’t care what they think.
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I actually really like that more and more "main stream" channels focus on personal development topics. Means also more viewers for real personal growth channels like mine 😀
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No man, people just don't like talking to me. I try like hell to be nice and tell others how much I appreciate them and I'll drop everything to help total strangers. But when it comes down to it no one ever reaches out to me. I feel so alone. And going out in public talking to people I've never met before and have no idea where to begin it makes me stumble on my words and people are even more put off by me then
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Probably the best video on YouTube about making new friends! Thank you very much for sharing this information. Life is about relationships 🙂 So I’m trying to make the most of it
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Being a person who would love to go from being an introvert to more extroverted andor outgoing I am happy/extremely joyful to find this video pertaining to meeting new people.
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Wow, very practical, helpful tips, thank you so much!!
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Wow great lesson. I will try to shift my mindset in social situations. Thank you so much
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The animations are so cute! I love when they went to the museum together. 😂
