Is marriage dying? | Richard Reeves

What do you think the role of marriage should be in today's society?

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

this man just said that marriage is closer to being the end of a journey than the beginning of one, and that just blew my mind. I recently got married, and i just realized how much we waited on in order to feel like we were finally prepared to be married. Where previous generations like my parents would just get married first and then figure the rest out later. WILD

Marriage seems like a dream to me. To be able to afford living with a partner and having someone to love and trust enough seems impossible today.

Marriage at this point is out of the picture for me; not even dating seems desirable. With economic uncertainty, job insecurity, and political instability, it’s increasingly difficult to bear the burden of constantly pleasing another partner while you yourself are barely getting by and you’re just surviving at this point.

From what i've seen, money becomes an issue that wrecks a lot of marriages and relationships so it makes sense to me that people are waiting until they're more established and that people who are higher educated stay married.

I honestly feel super lucky to not want kids, and know there are women who feel the same. It totally changes the dynamic for why two people want to stay together, and allows two people to actually get to know each other.

I was married in my 30s. Never again, not for me. I do not want to live my life 24/7 around someone else. I found it unbearable and certainly ruins all pretentions of romance. I am a lone wolf. If anyone I meet asks me "why are you not married?" I reply: "I guess I just got lucky".

In the past it was, men worked and woman raised the kids. Now financially they both must work while also raising the children. This has made things extra stressful and caused a lot of divorce. With the divorce rate so high, getting married looks increasingly undesirable. If we continue to have households that require both parents working, the marriage rate and also the birth rate will continue to decline. Equality could have meant both parents working 20 hours each, and deviding the household responsibilities. But instead, the capitalist society requires 40 hours from each parent, and realistically women still have to do most of the child care. Having the choice to work is a great thing for women, but having no free time makes it a bad choice.

People have so many unresolved traumas, nowadays that getting into a relationship can be detrimental to one’s wellbeing.

I am a 34 year old woman who is unmarried, has never wanted it, and do not understand what the big deal about is. A person’s relationship status is the most trivial thing about them in my opinion. And why is it considered a “life goal” to incorporate a legally binding contract into a private relationship where half of your earnings are subject to distribution in the event of dissolution anyway? The way I see it, everyone has the opportunity to establish themselves financially. Therefore, we all need to work to have our own. Then, if you find someone that you like well enough to do life with, just stick together until the relationship tuns its course (that is — IF it runs its course). But why do you need a contract to do that?

The guy didn't mention how divorce screws men over and leading cause of divorce is marriage.

What's missing from this is the fact that a man used to be able to take care of a family of four — mortgage, groceries, car, etc. — on ONE salary, and THAT is the reason marriage as an institution has shifted, not because of feminism or any other reason. It's much more difficult to find stability when you're just scraping by.

Growing up seeing my parents quarrel so many times, had hardened my resolve on not getting married. EDIT : Didn't expect so many likes/agree. On the bright side, I feel I am not alone.

I been married with my wife for 10 years. I love every bit of my wife. How she smells, the way she talks, the way she looks at me, how she feeds me, all of it. I'm 36 years old and I never looked at another woman from the day I meet her. Any advice I can give anybody just from my own experience man or woman is listed below: 1. Marriege is 100% or nothing. Its all of you when you want or when you dont. 2. The best feeling of marriege is the hug after work, the smell of food and the sound of welcome greetings. 3. The small things matter. The more you remember the better. 4. Keep your word... especially to each other. Its the foundation your marriage is built on. 4. Test after test after test. Either it will make you or break you. 5. Never disrespct your partner in public or in front of anyone. Just bite your toungue and take it to the house. 5. Never talk to anybody about the ups and downs, the good or the bad. The state of your marriage only concerns you. 6. Smile, laugh, dance whatever you can do to enjoy each others company. The best marriages are like best friends. 6. Don't be so serious all the time, relax, laugh, kick back. 7. You marry his/her family.... remember that. 8. Jelousy lurks around every corner.... and 80% is not coming from your partner but people close to you. 9. Kids if you decide.... means its no longer about the two of you. 10. Kids will remind you why you love each other.

Happily married 12 years and just had my sixth child. Life is good. My husband is a gentle and good man and I do not engage in mind games. We help each other and talk to each other kindly and without a sharp tongue. It works.

I think we often forget that marriage (like any relationship/friendship) is difficult. It needs to be continually worked on and nourished. It requires sacrifice, loyalty and codependence. These days we are lead to believe if we aren't happy we should just get out of there. This is relevant to our jobs, our marriages, our families, our cities... the list goes on. There is no sense of responsibility any more. We need to learn it's not about happiness, but our role to make our societies and communities better places to live. It's why we admire Fred Hollows restoring site in 3rd world countries or other people giving up their lives to help others. The concerning part is it's not just marriage that is dying. It's friendships, it's our cultural framework and it's our ideologies. The rapid decline in civilisation over the last 5 - 10 years is truly scary. I don't believe we need to adapt to our times (because they are leading us to chaos), we need to examine history vs. today and understand what's going wrong. And finally re-examine what the goal is for our lives.

My wife and I married in July of 1982. It has been a roller coaster ride, unimaginable highs, unbearable lows, curves, twists, turns and everything else that can be thrown in there. Has it been easy, not on your life, has it been worth it, every second of it. We've never worked so hard for anything, but we've done it, together. I have no concept of what my life would be like without her in it. I need her more than I need myself. This July will be 41 years married. We couldn't be much happier. I remember my Dad giving me the following advise, "Never stop courting your wife." And from my Mom, "Don't go to bed angry with each other." Words to stay married by.

“…rather than the beginning of a journey, it’s as much the end of a journey…” felt it

Marriage is basically an expensive luxury for most people now, wages are insanely low, working hours are insanely long. Yet people are expected to have time, energy and money to cope with marriage ontop of all the work place exploitation... things are only going to get worse for the average person