I Regret Doing a PhD

“ I was paying for her guidance and not her approval” - gold!!! 🏅

I got my Ph.D. in 1999, and I’ve been a professor, department head, and an associate Dean here in the US. Academia offers unparalleled opportunities to feel not smart enough, not good enough, and profoundly insecure. There will always be someone who is a better researcher, or writer, or speaker. But here’s the thing— do you enjoy it at all? Does the process of researching and writing bring you any joy or satisfaction (despite worries and insecurities that it is not good enough)? Then you are ALREADY an academic. You are a colleague, perhaps a junior colleague, but a colleague. If you decide in the end that it’s not for you, that’s fine. But you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t smart and capable.

My advisor told me "Any PhD who has not been utterly destroyed by the process and needed to build themselves up anew from the ground has been done a disservice, because they won't be prepared to be an academic." Good luck. It got better for me.

Dang, listening to this I just want to give you a HUGE hug. Don't sell yourself short, please! You are a wonderful person and definitely intelligent, because let's be honest not everyone can do a PhD. I might be just an internet stranger, but I am so so proud of you that you are willing to reach out for help even if it's scary. Good luck and just keep sharing your stories, we will be listening (and those of us who do care will be silently and loudly rooting for you).

As a former PhD supervisor and current academic coach, I feel like this video of yours should be required viewing for all Phd candidates in humanities and social sciences. I would also say that supervisors should also watch this to remind themselves that their roles and their desire to support their students are often misinterpreted. I plead with my students to keep some kind of research journal to record their journey and their thoughts, fears and of course their brilliant new ideas. It doesn't have to be online but I think your Patreon and blog will be super useful for many other students as well as a great resource for you to reflect on and refine (and celebrate) your new approach. Meanwhile, I am so glad to see you have reflected on your approach and discovered that you are the problem and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Sometimes I feel like students wish to wrap their supervisors in cotton wool to protect them from the student's perceived inadequacies.Please all of you remember that Phd students are taken on because supervisors have a deep belief that you (with their help, support and cheerleading) will succeed. We don't start off with a let's see how this goes mentality. As to networking, yes it is a big and for us introverts a very horrible part of academia. You may not realise this but there is a large portion of academia who dread that side of it too (raising my hand here). The trick, I think, is to use social media to find those introverts in your field and arrange to stick together at conferences so hopefully your blog will provide you those connections. Lastly though, and most importantly, your intelligence, passion and your metacognitive abilities (and above all those metacognitive abilities) to identify the causes of your studies going off-course stands you in good stead for the rest of your studies, and I fully expect in a while to see your channel name changed to Lady of the Library, PhD.

My PhD advisor was such an absolute nightmare (multiple times intentionally sabotaged me while she had a mental breakdown). Embrace your kind and helpful advisor! Keep at it :)

I started a PhD—even had a paper selected for presentation at my national academic society.The morning I presented, I overheard a job interview at the next table. The junior academic position was offered to the young, untried hopeful. The salary was presented. It was for $27,000 for a full time position (USD). My PhD was costing me $140,000. I gave my paper, resigned the PhD program, and sigh went back to my old career. With the collapse of liberal arts education in the United States, it was, in retrospect, a good decision. I haven’t stopped studying, reading, being curious, though. Good luck in your journey. I wish you nothing but success.

I 100% get this. In the US the PhD is more guided at the beginning, but now that I"m at the end portion where I'm working all by myself, it feels terrifying. A doctorate is not something that, I believe, is possible to do completely alone. We're here for you, Cinzia. Proud of you for not quitting!

I have the utmost respect for someone who can pivot. It’s proof that you can reflect on patterns and correct course and I think it takes strength of character and deep care about yourself and your work. Proud of you for turning over this new leaf and excited to hear more about your PhD! 🥳

This felt more like "I regret the way I did my PhD" rather that "I regret getting a PhD". The latter implies that you'd undo it if you could, go back to before. The former implies you'd still do it but do it differently.

I'm not doing a PhD but I really resonated with the idea of constantly downplaying where you're at so others can't/won't attack you or notice you. It truly isn't a healthy way to approach the creative process, whether that's academic or artistic or in any other vein. Best of luck to you!

I completed my PhD a couple of years ago, but the whole process was... brutal. My supervisors were absolutely lovely and supportive, but my mental health was so messed up by the whole thing I had to keep taking long breaks to recover from mini breakdowns. I wanted to quit so many times! I also did it long distance (and part time), and it was *rough*. I missed the whole experience of having other academics around, to talk to, bounce ideas off, and share support. And as a super introvert, I suffered so much with conferences - i liked hearing the papers, but the whole being-around-people, socialising, networking aspect was a constant nightmare (and fail, for me). Best of luck - you can do this ❤

I am a PhD drop out and it was the best decision I ever made.

"I didn't think I was smart enough." Girl, you're doing a PhD! Give yourself some credit. You are absolutely an academic, and I'm very proud of you.

My daughter submits hers this year after 6 years. She's heartily sick of it. Me too😮

I’m so sorry you didn’t consider yourself an academic when you’re involved in a high-level academic endeavor — you are a Lady and a Scholar! I’m glad you’re turning away from the nasty and ungracious people flaunting their bad attitudes, you deserve better! 👏🏼💛👏🏼

I totally get it. I did a phd in France in European medieval literature. It went very well with my research and supervisor, so i can't regret it totally, but i now have so many difficulties to get job interviews, because I'm too expensive as a labor force (i have to lie on my cv by removing my phd to get jobs interview and get a couple of jobs) and i finished my phd with a major burnout, so i also can't recommend to people doing one. I'm sending you many virtual hugs and support! ❤

I’m a PhD graduate (many years ago) and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I’m now 72 yo, and still going strong in the field of biomedical research. We chose our own destinies.

To the train analogy: one of my friends said a PhD is “like being chased by a glacier. It’s coming for you very very slowly, but if it catches you it will f*ck you up.” Thanks for sharing your experiences! I am supervising my first student now and it is a big learning curve - thanks for offering such useful perspectives that can help me to support them better!

Thank you. I needed to hear this today. I'm currently doing an MSc and feel very isolated and stupid. There is no formal teaching and I struggle to understand. I too don't ask for help. Today I will be asking for guidance from my tutor, which I would not have done without listening to you. You are wonderful! Keep going and I wish you all the best in your life.