5 Tips For Helping Your BABY BOOMER Parents Declutter (+ Homary Review)

If you have any other tips or lessons learned (mistakes) that you want to share, let us know! If you want to shop at Homary with 7% use code: enl7

April, as I was watching your video, I realized I was crying. I am a boomer parent, but I was thinking about my grandparents. They grew up during the depression, and they were dirt poor. They learned how to stretch a dollar, and never threw anything away that they might be able to use. They had kids that were raised to eat everything on their plate, work a job, even if they hated it, and save for the next Great Depression. Their kids were the first generation of latch key kids. We grew up watching tv where everyone had perfect jobs, perfect homes, and perfect kids. We raised our kids a little different, but now that they’re grown, we’re putting our parents in nursing homes, or worse. Dealing with divorce, and careers coming to an end, and often, our own health scares. We also had to deal with our parents’ stuff. The last thing we want to do is start sorting through our lifetime of crap. But, thanks to your channel, and some good books, I’ve realized this is something that not only I can do, but I have to do. It’s not fair to my daughter to leave it all for her. So, I have begun the process of editing my life to a manageable amount for me and her.

I’m a Boomer. I’m constantly trying to declutter knowing that I’m nearing the end of life, and not wanting to leave my only child with the same burden my own hoarder mother left me. It’s really hard. Not just the losses and trauma and nostalgic reasons to keep things, but the shear exhaustion of life slowing down. As you mentioned, I cannot move as quickly as I used to, neither physically nor mentally. I am acutely aware of that, and I am also acutely aware of my daughter’s frustration with me because of it and because of our different opinions of importance. I’ve adapted to the way I have to operate, and have incorporated my own weaknesses and my daughter’s traits to make it so that she can help me in a way that I need to be helped and I can make progress. I do that by puttering. It’s what I do best. I just have an overall idea of the direction things should be moving and I make sure that my puttering moves things along in that general direction. I keep a box in the hallway for donations, and I add to it as often as I find something to add to it. This often means I’ll declutter an item from the kitchen, then three from a closet, then another one from the bedroom. Once the box or two boxes are close to full, I ask my daughter to come help me. No matter what we end up doing, she takes the boxes away and when she leaves, I start my puttering all over again.

Comment 2 if no one minds: About depression era relatives that’s overlooked. They were the children and grandchildren of people who lived on farms or otherwise didn’t hop into a car if they needed a gallon of milk. They stored things for later use in the food line so it was natural to keep other useful things as well. What we see as an unnecessary ball of string was their equivalent of tape for a package, rubber bands, and I’m sure a dozen things we wouldn’t think of. It wasn’t just “saving in case it’s needed”, it’s a leftover skill of thinking ahead and keeping food for the winter ahead that’s left in our culture still. We all laugh about keeping margarine containers but they must have looked super useful for all sorts of things when they hit the market. If only mom would have stopped at an inventory of 10 for usefulness.

I’m 82, and my husband died last Fall. I’m good at decluttering, but there is sooo much that was his. With my sons’ help, the garage and shed are really good. I worked for months on the basement, which wasn’t a hoarder situation. He just had a lot of tools, hardwood for furniture., etc. Then, I took a break, and I’ll resume in the Fall. I have two sailboats and three kayaks to sell, and a rowboat. Yikes.

Remember that older people or people with disabilities need to take breaks more often. Decisions fatigue is also a huge thing for them xxxxxx

I am a 83 y/o mom, grandmother, g grand, and gg grand. I have found that most my friends and I are generally much more organized than most of our children. I have been called in many times to help clean and declutter their rooms, homes, lives. One time my sister in law decided to “help” my husband’s mother declutter and streamline her life. She threw out wonderful antiques and family heirlooms, replacing them with modern IKEA stuff. Threw my mother in law into a deep depression that she never recovered from.

I had to help my mother last summer to clean out after my (hoarding) father passed away. My experience is that she could do just fine, as long as she was given time and grace to work in layers. She did like four or five rounds to get where she is today. It helped her tremendously being able to process all the feeling in bits and pieces. Thank you so much for being here, you've taught me a lot about patience and kindness during the process 😊

I am the parent in this situation. I have been decluttering for a few years now. I started 5 years ago with Christmas decorations. Chose what I wanted to keep. Asked my kids if there were any they wanted, donated the rest . I have been making over my house and with each room ...at least one truck load goes!! I will never be a minimalist, that is not me...but I am living with less and my goal is that my kids won't be overwhelmed with my home....in the future...lol...far into the future...BTW I am only 59. I loved watching you help your parents.

The incentive for my 86 year old mom to declutter was that she can no longer reach items up high or down very low and she needed to clear the floors for the walker she needs to use more now. I spent two weeks working with her with those parameters in mind. She still kept things I would have tossed but the things she needs/uses regularly are now within easy reach and she can move around the house without bumping into stacks of things, boxes, baskets etc. We did donate and toss a lot of things she just doesn't use any more. I was very proud of her! (bonus: I came home with pillowcases that she embroidered in high school!)

As a caregiver for my 90 yr old parent who is not able to do any of these things anymore, I am faced with cleaning out his house when he passes. I already helped with that chore when my grandfather passed. I am determined not to leave this chore for my own daughter, and so have begun the process with my own house. Thanks for a compassionate approach to helping parents declutter.

I'm a tail-end Boomer (b1961), and I've been trying to get my older sister (b1955) to declutter in preparation for downsizing from a four-story house to a small apartment. She's pretty stubborn to begin with, but stuff is her addiction, so it's been hard. However, I keep reminding her that once she's in her new space, it's going to feel like a vacation, because she will have so much less house and yard and STUFF to take care of. As the process has progressed, she has built up her decluttering muscles and has taken on some of my advice that she resisted at first (like throwing out the cases from her CDs and DVDs and storing them in Tyvek sleeves instead). Who wants to be a slave to STUFF at 70?

As a Baby Boomer who has had to help my own Baby Boomer mother declutter in order to downsize, here are some more perspectives to understand. “Shame” was and is one of the strongest, unspoken feelings. Be sure not to use even an ounce of “shame” when you declutter with them. It might even be unintentional “shame” that they/we translate as “shame” quite easily. You see… 1) that they were brought up on the idea that one only possesses what one needs; not just what one wants. Buying beyond your “needs” was frivolous and not “essential”. When they were buying their “things”, few people had disposable income at the level that others experience today. The only way they received items for the family (kitchen, entertainment, bedding, etc) was through gifts received for very special events (marriage, a young girl’s “hope chest”, etc). And these gift-giving times were quite rare. If they wanted to buy anything, think living room furniture, it took months or years of scrimping/budgeting/saving to be able to afford it. If they spent on anything beyond that (think personal items like clothing, cosmetics, “gadgets”, soaps, candles, etc), that was called “splurging”. A lot of shame was attached to splurging. A lot of shame was attached to getting rid of “perfectly good items”. So much shame was attached to getting rid of anything. If you didn’t care for a gift that someone else went out of their way, and used their “savings” to buy; that was “shameful”. Shame was a big thing in our early culture and Saving was the way to have whatever you needed for your household and your family. “Shame on you” was an easily used expression when someone thought you were doing something just for yourself or if you “splurged” on yourself. 2) understand that without the disposable income, every penny went into providing only for food, family, shelter, and whatever extra money was to be saved and not spent. 3) understand that they’ve seen huge changes in their lives regarding the availability of buying “anything”. Growing up, the concept of “keeping up with the Joneses” was not just “to be” like them but also “to spend” like them, but… if the Joneses bought their child a doll, your own child would only be able to get that same doll. There wasn’t the diversity of items available to purchase (locally). If the neighbour bought a new bike, there were very few options…you would either get the same bike or if your husband or father felt they couldn’t afford to provide you with one, they’d rummage around and find the parts to MAKE a new bike. And, you never complained, you were to show appreciation or your next wish would not be fulfilled… again, shame on you for wanting a bike; shame on you for not appreciating a home-made version; shame on you. 4) understand, that to provide beyond the house, home, family, & food, the things you would buy and the things you would find, you would hold onto….so that when you couldn’t buy a specific dress for your daughter, or a bike for your son, you would go into your “stash” and try to make “as good as” whatever your child wanted/needed so they didn’t feel left out, because others would say, “what a Shame they can’t give their son/daughter something.

We declutterers can be a teeny bit born again about the entire thing. We know how much it changed our life and want everyone to experience that wonderful feeling of lightness and freedom. However, I've had to slowly learn that other people don't always have that feeling - they don't feel heavy with a lot of stuff and they won't feel any relief if it goes - only anxiety and stress. For those of us who do feel that heaviness of having stuff piled up and not being used - being in that environment is like a lower form of torture - it clouds our minds and weighs on our emotions - so it's hard not to try to convince our loved ones to come over to our side of the argument.

Great advice. My observation would be that we could start by making sure we don’t have stuff stored in our old bedrooms. I see so many situations where kids are storing junk at their parent’s place or telling their parents they want to keep stuff but are not willing to take it home with them. That’s not fair if we’re telling our parents they need to deal with their clutter! I would also ask parents specifically if there’s anything they perceive to be ours, maybe put it all in one spot for us to go through. My parents were keeping stuff for me that I didn’t even know existed any more or that wasn’t actually mine. Love the new chair - I spotted it right away! For a minute I thought you had moved already.

As someone who tried (and failed) to help a relative who could have had Boomer grandchildren, just remember you can lead the horses to water but you can't make them drink.

I gave my daughter a lamp 3 yrs ago just in case ot might work someplace in her mew apartment. 3 yrs later i was decluttering her place to be prepared for her new baby ( she needed the help, fully trusted and invited the help) I found the lamp at the back of a closet and it was clear there was no place it would work in that apartment. I took it to her held it up and said "I AM NOT THE LAMP." It clicked for her. She let go of a lot more stuff and kept the memory. Lol

Your comment on staying somewhere else is so true. My husband's brother stayed at the old vacant farm house and had difficulty getting much done. We went at a separate time and stayed in a hotel. In 13 days (over 2 trips) we filled 1.5 dumpsters and going to a hotel each night was wonderful!

I’ve tried helping 60-70 yr old relatives. Yes, sometimes it’s difficult to let go and change habits. I decluttered the pantry and spice cabinet of my relative. She called me later and she said it changed her perspective of her buying habits. She was over buying and not using what she had. Also, she was always buying on deals and sales which encouraged her to spend more. It made her sad she wasted money because many of the items were expired. She realized she did not NEED more space. Overall she was happy with the work I done in her space and was inspired to declutter the rest of her kitchen.

A long post. I’m a boomer and my sister and I tried many times to help my mom organize and declutter her 3 bedroom home of 50+ years. She never wanted to deal with it and often said she’ll leave it for us to deal with. Unfortunately she needed to move into a care facility and her fully paid off home needed to be sold to pay for her new place. So my sister and I had to do it all without mom’s help. Hence my sister and I have a more positive attitude to decluttering our own places. I don’t want to leave it for my sons.