Functional Freeze Explained (my most popular re-release series) #healingtrauma #polyvagaltheory

I watched this video two months ago, the night before we found out that my ex-husband had died suddenly from a heart attack. I had to tell our young adult children. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do and was also quite triggering as my own dad died suddenly from a heart attack when I was 18. My son (21) literally collapsed on the floor. All I could think of was this video so I just sat down next to him and let the emotions run through him until he was ready for me to hug him. We have a long road ahead of us, and there is an enormous amount of nervous system dysregulation in all of us as a result of my own decades-long nervous system dysregulation. Although I feel guilty about a lot of my past parenting methods, I'm hoping that now that I know better I can do better. I'm hoping that going forward we can all learn to deal with whatever life throws at us in a healthier way, and also go back and make peace with and unlearn all the unhealthy coping mechanisms from the past.

"Functional freeze" is an epidemic of the 21st century. Functional freeze forces us to continue functioning despite having depleted energy levels, leading to reliance on stress as a means to cope, said Camille Tomat in episode #64 of her French podcast, Pas de Souci ! She added, procrastination is closely linked to functional freeze, which isn't a result of laziness but rather a consequence of low energy levels (and it's also our coping mechanism to deal with our unconscious fears of failure, etc.) She explained, in order for us to function optimally, it requires three types of energy: sympathetic for organ functionality, ventral for (emotional) regulation, and a freeze response for moments of shock. When trapped in functional freeze, tasks get delayed, everything slows down, and eventually, burnout becomes a looming risk.

I’ve been numb and checked out since my brother died 20 years ago , and this makes a ton of sense because I had no regulation from any parent. I’d love to learn more on how to feel life again.

At my grandmother's funeral, my mother made a scene, threw a "me" tantrum, had people fawning over her. When we got home, she had a meltdown over my 8yo sister crying over losing her grandmother. My dad tried to calm her down in the next room, but we could hear her saying, "why is she crying? That's ridiculous, she didn't even know her" etc... It was never ok for us to have emotions around her, but she still throws lawn tantrums in her 60s🤷‍♀

When I was 15, my mother had a stroke and was in hospital for 6 months. It was the worst change of my life. My older siblings would bully the life out of me everyday. They would keep me up all night to tell me what a bad person I was. Other family members would join in with image shaming me, and whatever they could pointlessly pick out. The house was always dirty and everyone would always wait for me to cook for them.. The list was never ending. Not much had changed unfortunately. Ever since then, I'm someone that is in freeze mode about the progression of my life. I'm 34 and have no idea what career path to take and when friends ask me to go out, I have no idea what to talk to them about.

i'm only 20 years old, and this video 100% resonates with me. I am going to have to save this for later and come back to it because I literally started dissociating while watching. It's a very sensitive subject and I have so many memories coming up now. It all makes so much more sense now. My parents never knew how to regulate their own emotions, and still don't. I consider myself to be more emotionally mature than most of the adults in my family. I'm really young to be doing all of this work and trying to heal. I'm so happy that I found this channel and that the internet gives young people like me who are hurting and want to escape a cycle of abuse before it is too late a chance to learn and do so. I want to heal before i have children so that i do not end up putting my own kids through what my brother and i went through and probably many generations of trauma passed down to us.

I love to hear stories of people with regulated ANS and how they deal with traumatized events. I read a story where a person was in a car accident. A stranger went to his aid and said "I'm here and I'm staying with you. Help is coming." That was powerful. I think SBSM should have a lab devoted to these stories so we can see what a person with a regulated ANS look and sound like. Everyone I know is disregulated.

Thank you Irene. This was so good. Surviving childhood is not for the faint of heart.

My dad died when I was 6. Then my mother was the the one who told me hundreds of times starting before I can remember "kids are sh^%" "youre nothing " you are nobody " then the entire family made fun of my "sensitive nature " God I was so embarrassed by that. Sad songs and movies would trigger tears and I was just born an empathetic kid. Oh I wished i could will that away . My whole life was an exercise in being embarrassed to be alive. Now at 60 ? The last 8 or so years have been an escalating amount of hell. Dark night if the soul . Unfortunately I chose isolation as a coping mechanism over and over the years, I thought I wasnt hurting anyone and noone was hurting me. Now ? Sh^% I have no social support, no family.. just me and all this ickiness. Not sure how I can undo this programming my mother so diligently engaged in. 😊 I gave up years ago physically and otherwise and now feel so damn weak and cannot seem to engage in life. I've always been a people pleaser and dealing with people has always drained me. Chronic. Migraines, stomach issues etc have just left me depleted .I live in a rural area and work in an extremely toxic environment in a hospital. Oh man I'm rambling here I'm sorry maybe someone can relate.

I'm 64 and whenever I hurt myself around others I act like nothing happened, or downplay it. I always worried that I was a burden to my parents. My older sister said I was a "mistake", that no woman in her 40's plans on having a baby. I was always sensitive to others emotions. And my own emotions . I cried a lot, but did it in private. Now I find myself isolating myself from others. I just feel burned out. Anyway, thanks for your video, I think it shed some light on how some of my core beliefs affected my interaction with the world.

My entire childhood I was dismissed no matter how hard I tried.. straight A's I til 6th grade, people pleaser, etc nothing was good enough.. I was punished for accidents, told my pain wasn't real or it was my fault that it happened.. I have overcome a LOT but I still feel the struggle! Thank you so much for making these videos ❤

I have found cranio-sacral therapy very helpful in nervous system regulation. It’s a very gentle therapy but very effective.

Want to add: this is how people go from one panic-attac (equals trauma) to a whole complex anxiety disorder. People do not allow themselves to have the reaction because they are ashame, so they become afraid of triggering the reaction and it takes over all areas of their lives.

Funxtional freeze. We are numbing out, disassociating, shutting down, disconnecting from our body, our life force, our energy, our internal physiiology, but we are remaining functional.

Holy shit! When you described how the child attunes to their caregiver and then changes their response… Wow. Makes so much sense! So grateful to have stumbled on your channel.

I sat with ayahuasca several months ago and got a vision of my inner child shivering in the corner. Alone. Feeling unsafe. Deeply traumatized. This video is so validating. Thank you. My parents; particularly my father were not safe for me. My dad was often dissociated himself or he shamed me because he was uncomfortable. I am so committed to healing, for myself and my dad and everyone in my history and future. Thank you so much. This particular video was a huge lightbulb. I’ve been dissociated and numb most of my life. Survival response of people-pleasing, placating and playing small. It all makes sense. Now to forgive myself, and my caretakers, and move forward. Whew. Being a human being is so fascinating !

I discovered Body Armoring yesterday which led me to a fantastic mind blowing article that led me to YOUR CHANNEL!!!! I'm BLOWN away by this video and your other ones as well! I lived for 10+ years in "functional freeze" due to being married to a narcissist-rage-machine....a man that would explode out of nowhere. Sleeping next to this person my body was terrified of for 14 years really, REALLY screwed up my nervous system 😢 On top of growing up with a dad who also had rage issues. My jaw muscles turn to stone, and it spreads to my face, head and neck. Now, when I lay down (and sometimes out of nowhere during the day) my jaw starts to freak out. It starts small and grows into my jaw muscles being SO clenched that I can barely function~ the migraines this causes are horrendous! THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! I'm having so many mind blowing epiphanies from your videos! Liked and Subscribed my friend❤

Thank you for sharing this content with us. If the government provided a budget to provide free mandatory courses for every parent/caregiver to learn how to be emotionally attuned to their children, we would have a less traumatized society.

My whole life from birth to 62. 4 out of a family of 6 have physically attacked me. Others joined in. Grew up in an abusive household. Everyone was beaten in front of me. Told to be seen and not heard and not to speak unless spoken to. I was a burden/embarrassment. Didn't really know how to negotiate life. Punch to the head as a teen was the last straw so ran. Seem to attract it now past 12 years have been particularly bad. Numb most of my life. 3 random street attacks. I've been groomed spat on raped etc so no more relationships with men. Adhd cptsd a/d. 10th year of ASB from 3rd set of neighbours with no support. Can add racism as well. Now they're dying and the hypocrisy is real

I usually wait until I’m alone and safe to feel my feelings, ever since I was little if I got hurt I felt shame and would hide to cry and recover. All this makes so much sense now.